How to survive Thanksgiving at Liberal relatives – a few suggestions …
ARRIVAL
- ‘Your home looks lovely. Almost like it’s worth what you paid for it. Obama didn’t help with that yet, did he? Oh, well, maybe next term. May I use your bathroom?’
- In the unlikely event that your host’s home has appreciated in value, use this introduction instead: ‘Love what you’ve done with it. Better dump it before the new year, though, or you might face that new Obamacare tax.’ (Wait until after dinner to make a lowball offer.)
GREETINGS
- ‘Oh, grandma, I’m so sorry about what Obama did to your Medicare. I tried to stop him.’
- ‘Little Johnny, all grown up. Still looking for a job? Oh. There’s always grad school, you know. I hear Obama will pay your student loans.’
- ‘Jane, you look amazing! I bet you’re the reason Obama promised free contraception.’
- ‘Hey, kids, let’s watch some football. Whatever team Obama picked, that’s the one that’s going to lose. Ask Detroit.’
GRACE
- ‘I’m thankful that the war on women is finally over, and you accepted a racist like me back into your midst.’
- ‘I’m thankful for Elizabeth Warren. Now that we have a Native American in the Senate, we can celebrate without feeling guilty anymore.’
- ‘I’d like to take a moment to remember those four brave Americans who lost their lives because of an anti-Islamic video.’
- ‘Blessed be Obama, from whom we enjoy this bountiful harvest.’
MEAL
- ‘No turkey for me, thanks. The poultry industry is a major contributor to global warming, and I can’t eat meat without thinking about how I caused Hurricane Sandy.’
- ‘I’m not having cranberry sauce, either. So many of our cranberries today are imported from Poland, and they supported Mitt Romney, you know.’
- ‘Have some more pumpkin pie, please. I promise not to tell Michelle Obama.’
- ‘What, no more Twinkies this year?’
DEPARTURE
- ‘I can’t believe it’s time to go already. Four hours and $600 million in national debt just flew by.’
- ‘Gan en jie kuai le! That’s Happy Thanksgiving in Chinese. Might as well start learning.’
- ‘Why don’t you come to our place next year. Seeing as how your taxes are going up in a few weeks, it’s only fair.’
- ‘Sorry I parked you in. Oh, darn, I drove the Chevy Volt today. You wouldn’t have an extension cord, would you?’
Thanksgiving Jokes
- Cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time
- Finding the Thanksgiving Turkey
- Funny Thanksgiving quotes
- Grandma, I can hardly wait to see that turkey
- How to survive Thanksgiving at Liberal relatives
- Last Minute Turkey
- Stuff a turkey
- Thanksgiving Dinner Bribe
- Thanksgiving rules
- Thanksgiving Weather Forecast
- Things not to do at Thanksgiving
- Turkey Riddles
- Twas the Night of Thanksgiving