Funny movie quotes from The Time of their Lives, starring Abbott and Costello
Horatio Prim (Lou Costello): [having been startled by Mildred] You nearly scared the life out of me!
Horatio Prim: Melody! It’s Cuthbert! He’s still alive!
Melody: How can that be?
Horatio: I don’t know. They say only the good die young
Horatio Prim: [after seeing Emily for the first time] Zounds! What well did she come out of?
Melody: [to Horatio] You’re a bad boy!
Mildred Dean: The charming Mrs. Dean is going to hit the sack, and I’m taking my spirits with me! [takes the brandy]
Dr. Ralph Greenway (Bud Abbott): [at the seance] For this to work, we all have to make our minds perfectly blank.
Mildred Dean: That should be easy for you!
Mildred Dean: [to Emily] Pardon me, but did I see you in “Rebecca?”
Melody Allen: Here’s a horse pistol.
[Gives him the gun. Horatio turns to the horse behind him]
Horatio Prim: Here, this is for you.
Mildred Dean: [to June about Dr. Greenway] Last week he said that the rash I had wasn’t an allergy, it was a guilt complex because I kicked your grandmother in the bustle when I was 2 years old.
Sheldon Gage: What’s the matter, Tom?
Dr. Ralph Greenway: Bottles flying through the air, glasses filling themselves up, and somebody tooted into my stethoscope!
Melody Allen: Horatio, be patient.
Horatio Prim: Be patient? Melody, do you realize that my Nora has been waiting on me for 165 years? And a girl will only wait so long, and no longer!
Emily: [Calling to the ghosts of the well] Analog dos mirabus spirae cuttar, nimbus hypnosticos lazzum bid-dar.
Mildred Dean: There she goes again. It must be number one on her Hit Parade.
Horatio Prim: I don’t want those people coming around here saying, [singing] Here lie the dirty traitors! Here lie the dirty traitors![crying]
Horatio Prim: Here lie the dirty traitors.
Melody Allen: [turning on the house’s electric lights] Amazing… must’ve got it from Benjamin Franklin, he’s always inventing things.
Melody Allen: I need help.
Horatio Prim: [With his head sticking out of a trunk] What do you think I need? Mistress Melody, would you help me get out of this overcoat?
Dr. Ralph Greenway: Emily! When you came in here just now, did you or did you not kick me?
Emily: Certainly not.
Dr. Ralph Greenway: [getting worried] Oh!
Horatio Prim: [he and Melody collide and are wearing each other’s clothes] Odds bodkins, we’re all mixed up!
[they run into each other again and get back into their own clothes]
Horatio Prim: Melody, don’t ever do that again, I’m a boy!
June Prescott: [hears machine gunfire] It must be the radio downstairs!
Mildred Dean: Well it’s not the American Revolution!
Telephone operator: [Horatio picks up the phone receiver] Number, please.
Horatio Prim: Spooks!
[runs over to Melody]
Horatio Prim: That thing just talked to me!
Horatio Prim: [Horatio and Nora are laying in the hay, Nora kisses him, he gasps and stutters] Nora!
Nora O’Leary: Oh Horatio, do my kisses thrill you that much?
Horatio Prim: I’m sitting on a pitchfork!
Melody Allen: This is the first pleasure I’ve had in 165 years.
Emily: [about the ghosts] I must go to them.
[takes the tray of brandy with her]
Mildred Dean: Wait a minute, better leave that with us.
[takes the brandy]
Mildred Dean: We need it more than the ghosts do.
Melody Allen: [picks up a book] Tom Danbury’s memoirs.
Horatio Prim: His grandmas?
Melody Allen: [Tom’s voice is coming through Emily] Horatio, why can’t I see him?
Horatio Prim: You poor kid, you can’t. You see, he’s got his wings, and we’re still grounded.
Dr. Ralph Greenway: If he had a letter from George Washington, then he couldn’t have been a traitor.
Horatio Prim: [raps on the table] That’s right!
Mildred Dean: Now don’t tell me we’re going to stay up the rest of the night contacting George Washington!
Dr. Ralph Greenway: [contacting the ghosts] Are you the spirits of the traitors in the well?
[Horatio raps once for ‘no’, hits Cuthbert on the foot]
Cuthbert Greenway: OUCH!
Emily: [in a trance and speaking with the voice of Thomas Danbury] Melody, my beloved, it’s Tom. I’ve come to help you.
June Prescott: Oh, Shelly, what does it mean?
Sheldon Gage: It-it must be Danbury speaking through Emily.
Mildred Dean: Oh, fine. A ghost to ghost broadcast.