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Star Trek puns and groaners

Star Trek puns and groaners – Some Star Trek jokes are funny, while some are puns, and a few are groaners — these are all three! Enjoy these jokes about Star Trek (the original series), Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space 9, and Star Trek: Enterprise

Question: Where do Star Trek fans go to lift weights?

Answer: The “He’s dead, Gym”!


Question: How many ears does Picard have?

Answer: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.


Question: What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?

Answer: “Make it sew.”


Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked “Why did you let Troi win at poker?”

Answer: “Because I Riker.”


Question: What did the blonde Klingon say?

Answer: “It was a good day to dye.”


Question: What is Thomas Riker’s dating philosophy?

Answer: “If at first you don’t succeed, try Troi again.”


Question:  What did Worf say when small ice asteroids began hitting the Enterprise hull?

Answer:  “Captain, we are being hailed.”


Question:  What did Will Riker say when he discovered that he had a transporter duplicate?

Answer:  “We’re Number One!  We’re Number One!”


Question: Why are Beverly Crusher, Worf, and Deanna Troi similar?

Answer: Because one’s a Doc, one’s a Worf, and one’s a Marina.


Question: What does Major Kira’s emergency signal sound like?

Answer: NANA NANA NANA NANA.


Question: Did you hear about the singing contest for young men at Starfleet Academy?

Answer: It’s called the Kirk Tenor Prize.


Question: How many of the Enterprise’s senior officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: All of them. One to screw it in, and the rest to debate the moral implications.


Question: What did Lore use to kill Data’s cat?

Answer:Spot remover.


Question: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?

Answer: Worf Speed.


Question: Why couldn’t Kira get permanent quarters on DS9?

Answer: Because everybody knew she was a Visitor.


Question: What did the senior staff of DS9 sing when Kira was packing to leave at the beginning of “The Circle”?

Answer: Nana, Nana . . . Nana, Nana . . . Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!


Question: What do you do if O’Brien refuses to fix your ship after you dock at DS9?

Answer: Colm Meaney. (For those of you who don’t know “Colm” isn’t pronounced “Kohlm.” It’s pronounced more like “column” or “call ‘€˜em”)


Question: What is Sisko’s favorite breakfast?

Answer: Quarker Oates.


Question: How would B’Elana Torres introduce her significant other?

Answer: I’d like you to meet my better third.


Question: What do you get when Gul Dukat kills off his half-Bajoran, half-Cardassian daughter?

Answer: Bacardi on ice.


Question: Did you hear that the crew of the Enterprise is getting married?

Answer: They have engaged the Borg.


Question: What do you get when you cross Lwaxana Troi with the bridge of a Starfleet vessel?

Answer: An empty bridge


Question: Did you hear that Jonathan Frakes is starring in a remake of an old James Bond movie?

Answer: It’s called Moonriker.


Question: What did the Jamaican say to the Ferengi captain who was visiting Earth?

Answer: Have a nice Dai Mon.


Question: What do you get when you throw the casing of an unborn chicken at Quark’s nephew?

Answer: Egg Nog.


Question: What would the communication officer of DS9 say to Captain Sisko when a person is going on and on on the fifth channel of communications?

Answer: Sir Babylon 5.


Question: How many Star Trek: The Original Series landing party members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but the extra red-shirt will die in the attempt.


Question: How many Voyager crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: However many it takes, you can be sure a shuttlecraft will be destroyed during the attempt.


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