Funny movie quotes from A Southern Yankee, starring Red Skelton

A Southern Yankee, starring Red Skelton and Arlene Dahl
A Southern Yankee, starring Red Skelton and Arlene Dahl

Funny movie quotes from A Southern Yankee – a Red Skelton comedy set in the closing days of the American Civil War, co-starring the beautiful Arlene Dahl.

Funny movie quotes from A Southern Yankee, starring Red Skelton, Arlene Dahl

Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): I’€™d like to join your Secret Service outfit.
Colonel Baker: You’€™ve been talking to me about that for three years.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Well, that goes to show I’€™m a man who don’€™t know the meaning of the word ‘€œsurrender.’€
Colonel Baker: Well, look it up and stop bothering me.


Grey Spider: You’€™re a very clever young man.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): You wouldn’t think it to look at me.
Grey Spider: I certainly wouldn’€™t.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Thanks!


Colonel Baker: The paper’€™s in the pocket of the boot with the buckle. The map’€™s in the packet in the pocket of the jacket.  Understand?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Hmm?
Colonel Baker: And if you get them mixed up, you’€™re a dead goose.
Aubrey Filmore: Oh, well let’€™s see now. The paper’€™s in the pocket of the macket with a jacket, and the . . No, I see, the packet’€™s in the ..


Sergeant: Don’€™t want to lose a valuable man like you.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Thanks.
Sergeant: … prematurely.


Sergeant: How old are you?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Only 26.
Sergeant: 26 … that’€™s a ripe old age for a jackass.


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Sallyann, if you found a Northern spy, would you turn him in to be shot?
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): No, I don’€™t think so.  I’€™d shoot him myself.


Colonel Weatherby: I wish all of my officers were as stupid as you.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): So do I!


Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): I’€™d like to have you to meet my cousin, Elektra.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Morning, Elektra.


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Save me a dance for later, we’€™ll sit it out.


Colonel Weatherby: Now, if you don’€™t mind, the map, if you please.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Oh, the map, the map, the map . . [to himself] The map’€™s in the packle of the bucket with the jeckle.  No, the jacket’€™s in the buckle of the pocket with the poodle – the boodle.
Colonel Weatherby: Major Drummond, the map!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Yes, the map, the map, the map . . [to himself] The map’€™s in the packle of the bugle with the pickle.  No, no. The pocket of the boo – with the bagel. Not the bagel, the bugle, er, the buckle [aloud] That’€™s it, the boot with the buckle. [He hands over the wrong document] I always carry my secret papers in the boot with the buckle. They’€™d have to kill me to get it, Sir. A soldier always dies with his bookles on, er, his bagels buckled, er, his . . Nice pair of shoes, don’€™t you think?


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Sally Ann, Will you marry me after the war?
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): No, I refuse to wait so long.  It’€™s either now, or it’€™s now.


Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl):Your father?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Yeah, I always promised Pappy I would never get married unless he was there to give me away.
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): It’€™s customary to give the bride away, not the groom!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Yeah, but my Pappy don’€™t care nothing about customs.  He used to say to me when I was a little boy, he’€™d say, ‘€œSon’€’€”he always called me ‘€˜son’€™’€”he’€™d look at me wistful-like and he’€™d say, ‘€œSon, I’€™d be happy if I could give you away.’€


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): I don’€™t want to die now! I want to be a husband, a father, a grandfather.  Do you think they’€™ll wait?


General Watkins: After this, they’€™ll probably make you a colonel.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): I’€™d rather they’€™d make me a civilian.


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Whatever happens, Sally Ann, always remember that I love you.  And believe me, something’€™s going to happen!


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Who’€™s a coward?
Major: You are, you belly-groanin’€™ lizard!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Well, that’€™s different.


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): [about to be executed by firing squad] I’€™m dyin’€™ for a smoke!
Kurt Devlynn: Don’€™t worry, you’€™ll be smoking later.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Fine time for a joke.


Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): What did you save me for, anyway?
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): For a fate worse than death! [they kiss]

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