I Owe My Mother!

I Owe My Mother! My mother actually emailed this to me, and I felt obligated to post it … because it’s so true!

• My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
  “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
• My mother taught me RELIGION.
  “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
  “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
• My mother taught me LOGIC.
  “Because I said so, that’s why.”
• My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
  “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.’
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
  “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
• My mother taught me IRONY.
  “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
• My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
  “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
  “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
• My mother taught me about STAMINA.
  “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
• My mother taught me about WEATHER.
  “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
• My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
  “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
• My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
  “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
• My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
  “Stop acting like your father!”
• My mother taught me about ENVY
  “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
• My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
  “Just wait until we get home.”
• My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
  “You are going to get it when you get home!”
• My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
  “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
• My mother taught me ESP.
  “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
• My mother taught me HUMOR.
  “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
• My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
  “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
• My mother taught me GENETICS.
  “You’re just like your father.”
• My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
  “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
• My mother taught me WISDOM.
  “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
• And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
  “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”