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Airplane Maintenance

Airplane Maintenance – Very funny listing of airplane maintenance requests, and their hilarious responses from the ground crews

“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft

Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

Problem: Something loose in cockpit
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Solution: Evidence removed

Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud
Solution: Volume set to more believable level

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield
Solution: Live bugs on order

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

Problem: IFF inoperative
Solution: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
Solution: That’s what they’re there for

Problem: Number three engine missing
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right” and be serious

Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

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