Funny movie quotes from The Toy (1982) starring Richard Pryor, Jackie Gleason, Ned Beatty
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): I’m writing a book. Writing a book is a job.
Stanley: No, writing a book is a cop out.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): For 18 months I’ve been trying to get a job on your newspaper, but the only black people you hire do windows, mop floors and kiss ass. I don’t like it, I’ve tried it.
Personnel Director: We’re looking for a part-time woman.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): I can be a part-time woman.
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): No. No tomorrow. No next week. No next month. No next year.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): [Jack Brown is dressed as a waitress] You’re pretty strong for a little lady and you have a lot of hair on your lip. We don’t like our waitresses to have hairy lips. So I’ll tell you what, shave. Oh, and after you shave, you’re fired.
O’Brien: Tim O’Brien, toys.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Jack Brown, windows.
O’Brien: Why is it always my toy department? Why can’t the kid grow up and get interested in stereos?
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): I’m hoping to get him interested in something we don’t even sell.
O’Brien: We sell everything.
Eric Bates: I know what I want.
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): He wants the Wonder Wheel,
[he and other business men get into a huddle]
Eric Bates: The black man!
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): He wants one in black, so all we do is…
Eric Bates: The black man!
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): He wants the black man. Huh? Oh no. No. No tomorrow. No next week. No next month. No next year.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): For that kind of money, if Eric blows his nose, you wipe it.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Do you have a license to drive a car down the steps?
Barkley (Wilfrid Hyde-White): I’m clean, but that’s more than the floor is. You know what is on that floor?
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): What?
Barkley (Wilfrid Hyde-White): Your dinner.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): I only get Eric for a week each year.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Then you should get better lawyers, you shouldn’t have to have him that long.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): It just so happens I love him.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t give a damn.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): Eric bought a black man.
Fancy Bates: I wasn’t aware that we sold them.
Fräulein: I’m gonna tell your father!
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Does everybody around here say that?
Eric Bates: Yeah.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Well I’m not gonna say it anymore.
Eric Bates: Was I bad?
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Were you bad? What you were gave a new meaning to the word ‘bad’!
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): [Talking to stuffed animals] You know why there’s a party downstairs? Do you fellas? Because it’s goodbye for you guys. They’re not gonna sell you anymore. They got a new toy to sell. It’s called a Jack Brown. Me. The wind up asshole. And I’m gonna take over all the stores of America next Christmas. All the kids will be hollering for me. They’re not gonna want no teddy bears like you. No they won’t and they won’t want no sad pandas and no tigers or leopards or lions or dumb rabbits. The kids will want a Jack Brown Wind Up. “Mommy I want a Jack Brown Wind-up! Susie has one that can play basketball! And Otto has one that can drive a Cadillac, and he’s real cute too and I wanna pinch his nose!” I’ve sold out to Moorehouse, you know. My life is over. I’m gonna wind up in this room with all you toys for the rest of my life.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Come back here, the game’s not over.
Eric Bates: I don’t feel like playing anymore.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Are you upset because I was winning? You hate to lose?
Eric Bates: I just don’t wanna play anymore.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): What if I tell your father?
Eric Bates: He won’t care.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Your father doesn’t care that his son is a quitter?
Eric Bates: He doesn’t care what I am, so long as I stay out of his way.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): I want Eric to understand that having money means never having to say you’re sorry.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): I think that’s about all the kid understands.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Why me? Of all the stuff in the store, why did you pick me?
Eric Bates: You made me laugh. I wanted a friend who made me laugh.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): So of all the toys in the store you wanted a friend. If you want a friend, you don’t buy a friend, Eric, you earn a friend through love and trust and respect.
Eric Bates: Come see my train!
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): You’re not listening to me, Eric, you don’t order your friends around, you ask them.
Eric Bates: Oh. You wanna come see my train, friend?
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): No.
[They hug]
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): [Happily] I’m gonna kill you.
Eric Bates: I love you, Jack.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason):: The truth has nothing to do with reality. You have to deal with reality. In reality, any one of these people, with a little persuasion, will say what I want them to say, because I am reality.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): Take your pants down
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): Sir?
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): Take your pants down.
[Morehouse pulls his pants down]
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): That’s power.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): It’s that bad out there?
Morehouse (Ned Beatty): [after U.S. Bates made him drop his pants in front of everybody] Worse.
Senator Newcomb: These democrats don’t normally support us.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): Now, Senator, we agreed to keep that under our hats. If they knew this was a fund raiser, we’d be all alone.
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): C’Mon, Wizard, I’m gonna send you back to the land of Oz.
U.S. Bates (Jackie Gleason): Are you crazy?
Jack Brown (Richard Pryor): Yes, but trust me!