Funny movie quotes from Kung Fu Panda, starring Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie
Funny movie quotes from Kung Fu Panda, starring Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie. A very funny, touching, kids movie that adults will enjoy as well. “There is no secret ingredient.”
Po: He was so deadly, in fact, that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!
Po: [serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star] Careful, that soup is… sharp!
Mr. Ping: We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.
At the temple
Po: [looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace] Wow! I’ve only seen paintings of that painting!
Po: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at – Ow!
Po: The Furious Five! You’re so much bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You’re about the same.
Shifu: [after watching Po getting beat up by the obstacle course] There is now a level zero.
Tigress: One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane: Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.
Monkey: Or even see his toes.
Oogway: There are no accidents.
Shifu: [sighs] Yes, I know. You said that already. Twice.
Oogway: Well, that was no accident either.
Shifu: Thrice.
Tigress: Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before… or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he’s stuck with you. A big, fat, panda, who treats it like a joke.
[Po makes a sudden funny face]
Tigress: Oh that is it!
[she lunges at Po]
Mantis: Wait, my fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve!
[Po falls to the ground revealing a lot of needles in his back]
Mantis: And may… have also stopped his heart.
Viper: Are you ready?
Po: I was born read…
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]
Viper: I’m sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready.
Po: That was awesome! Let’s go again!
Oogway
Shifu: Master! I have… it’s very bad news!
Oogway: Ah, Shifu. There is just news. There is no good or bad.
Shifu: Master, your vision. Your vision was right! Tai-Lung has broken out of prison! He’s on his way!
[pause]
Oogway: That IS bad news.
Oogway: [walking towards Po] Ah! I see that you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom!
Po: [Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth] Is that what this is? I’m so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree!
Oogway: I understand. You eat when you are upset.
Po: Upset? I’m not upset. Why, what makes you think I’m upset?
Oogway: So why are you upset?
Po: [sighs] I probably sucked more today than anybody in the history of kung fu. In the history of China. In the history of sucking!
Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles.
Oogway: Quit, don’t quit… Noodles, don’t noodles… You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Avoiding the fight?
Shifu: [intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!
Po: Watch me!
[tries to run around Shifu]
Po: Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can’t even beat you to the stairs!
[after hiking up into the mountains, Shifu and Po stop at a pool of water]
Po: [panting] You… dragged me all the way up here… for a bath?
[he scoops up some water]
Shifu: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.
Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient is… nothing!
Po: Huh?
Mr. Ping: You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient.
Po: Wait, wait… it’s just plain old noodle soup? You don’t add some kind of special sauce or something?
Mr. Ping: Don’t have to. To make something special you just have to believe it’s special.
[Po looks at the scroll again, and sees his reflection in it]
Po: There is no secret ingredient…
Fight with Tai-Lung
Tai Lung: Who are you?
Po: Buddy, I… am the Dragon Warrior!
[bows over, panting from the stairs]
Tai Lung: [incredulous] You? [laughs] He’s a panda! You’re a panda! What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me?
Po: Don’t tempt me.
[Tai-Lung’s nerve strikes are only tickling Po]
Po: [laughing] Stop! I’m gonna pee!
Tai Lung: [exhausted after fighting Po] You… can’t defeat me! You… you’re just a big… fat… panda!
[He throws a weak punch, Po catches his hand by the finger]
Po: I’m not a big fat panda. I’m THE big fat panda.
Afterward
Po: [checking to make sure Shifu is okay after his fight with Tai Lung] Master! Shifu! Shifu, are you okay?
Shifu: [coughs] Po. You’re alive!… Or we’re both dead.
Po: No, Master I didn’t die. I defeated Tai Lung!
Shifu: You did?
[Po nods and smiles]
Shifu: Wow. It is as Oogway foretold, you are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought peace to this valley and… and to me. Thank you, thank you Po. Thank you, thank you.
[slowly lays his head back down, seemingly dead]
Po: No! No no no, don’t die, Shifu please!
Shifu: I’m not dying, you idiot!
[he catches himself]
Shifu: Ah, Dragon Warrior. I am simply at peace.
[lays down and folds his hands together, smiling]
Shifu: Finally.
Po: Ooh, so um, I should… stop talking?
Shifu: If you can.