Funny movie quotes from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, starring Dick Van Dyke, Sally Ann Howes, Lionel Jeffries
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): How was India?
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): India? I’ll tell you something. I got up this morning and I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke), Grandpa, Jemima, Jeremy: How he ever got in my pajamas, I shall never know.
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): You’ve heard it before.
[they all laugh]
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): Nasty smelly things, motorcars!
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): Do you think Coggins might do a deal, so much a week?
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): Coggins? What, him down the road? Sure. He’s so mean he wouldn’t light your pipe if his house was on fire.
[laughs]
Jemima: Truly Scrumptious. You know, even if we didn’t know your name, we could have guessed it.
Truly Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes): Oh?
Jemima: You had to be called something lovely.
Jeremy: Like Yum-Yum!
Jemima: Or Angel Cake!
Jeremy: Or Toot Sweets!
Jemima: Yeah, Toot Sweets!
Truly Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes): [laughs] Or Toot Sweets! Oh, no!
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): You’ll find a slight squeeze on the hooter an excellent safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious.
Truly Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes): Well! I’ve never been…
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): Spoken to that way before? Well, maybe it’s about time!
Lord Scrumptious: Too late. Had your chance. Muffed it. Good morning.
Truly Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes): Wh-what are you going to do?
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): I’m going to carry you.
Truly Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes): Oh… oh, dear. Must you?
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): Well, unless you’d rather ride piggyback.
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): [talking over a comical-looking gramophone-style “morning-glory horn” loudspeaker that he lowers down to Grandpa Potts on a long scissor-link extension arm] Good morning. Thiz is your captain speaking. We hope you had a pleasant trip. In a few moments we will be landing in Vulgaria.
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): Where?
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): Vul-GARE-ee-ah.
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): Oh.
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): So, please fasten your seatbelt, and no smoking. Thank you!
[starts to raise the speaker back up again]
Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): Thank YOU.
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): [obligingly lowering the loudspeaker again] You’re welcome!
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): Oh, I haven’t seen a good drowning in years.
Jemima: He’s awful!
Jeremy: He’s terrible!
Caracticus Potts (Dick Van Dyke): Not only that, he isn’t even nice.
First Spy: Now then, vhere are we?
Second Spy: I have here a map.
First Spy: [seizing the map] I know WHERE we are, stupid!
[throws down the map]
First Spy: We are in England! And vhen we are in England, what do we do?
Second Spy: We play cricket.
First Spy: We play cric… No! We dress like Englishmen!
First Spy, Second Spy: A-ha!
First Spy: [dressed in an outfit that the English wore in India] Remarkable veather we are having for zhe time of zhe year, do you not think so, Cuthbort?
Second Spy: [dressed in the same outfit] Indubita-ba-bly, Basil.
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): [a voice over the portable radio transmitter] Jawohl?
First Spy: This is “X” speaking.
[faint squealing static]
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): Shrecks?
First Spy: “X”!
Baron Bomburst (Gert Frobe): Lex?
First Spy: [becoming pompously frustrated that his own accomplice can’t remember/understand who he is] EX! As in…
[feverishly tries to think of a suitable word to use as an example of pronunciation]
Second Spy: [hastily offering a helpful suggestion] Eggs and bacon.
First Spy: [nodding in agreement] Eggs and BAY-KUHN! Send transport immediately!
[the two spies are thrown off the baron’s blimp and into the sea]
Second Spy: What do we do now?
First Spy: Start swimming!
Second Spy: I can’t swim!
First Spy: Then start drowning!
[the First Spy swims away]