Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello in Hollywood

Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello in Hollywood

Funny movie quotes from Bud Abbott and Lou Costello’s ‘Abbott and Costello in Hollywood’

Buzz Kurtis (Bud Abbott): Every time you open your mouth, what happens?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): I eat.

Abercrombie (Lou Costello): I gotta break the date.
Ruthie: What date?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): Don’t you remember? June 22nd?
Ruthie: June 22nd? I don’t remember anything about a date.
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): Oh, yes. Don’t you remember? I said I was gonna take you to the Palladium a long time ago, and you said, “See me next year.” Well, tonight the year is up.

Abercrombie (Lou Costello): [starting to shave Rags] Now, I got the razor and the smelling salts.
Rags Ragland: The what?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): The smellin’ salts.
Rags Ragland: What’s that for?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): I faint when I see the sight of blood.
Rags Ragland: Oh … [after a delayed reaction] Blood! Look, if you cut me, there’s gonna be plenty of blood, and it’s all gonna be yours!

Mr. Burvis, Ruthie’s Boss: [reacting to a verbal spat between two of his manicurists] My shop is for hair cutting, not hair pulling!

Gregory LeMaise: [In disguise with a beard] Did you ever hear the one about the guy who was so brave he stuck his right arm into a lion’s mouth, right up to there. [he motions to his shoulder]
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): [also in disguise] He stuck his right arm in a lion’s mouth up to there? [also motioning to his shoulder]
Gregory LeMaise: Yrah!
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): His right arm?
Gregory LeMaise: Yeah!
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): What’s his name?
Gregory LeMaise: Lefty! [he breaks into raucous laughter]
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): [he spills his drink into Ambercrombie’s turban which is on his lap] You get it?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): [both are laughing] I didn’t get it that time.
Gregory LeMaise: You didn’t?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): No, no.
Gregory LeMaise: Lefty! [he laughs even louder as Ambercrombie absentmindedly puts his turban on, drenching himself with the drink] [Ambercrombie stops laughing] You know, you’re a great fellow. You made me forget my troubles.
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): You’ve drowned mine!
Gregory LeMaise: [laughs] You’ve got troubles too?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): Yes, sir.
Gregory LeMaise: [laughing] No, but I’ve got real troubles. I killed a man!
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): [reacting to the camera] A man killed me. That’s why I’m wearing this fake beard.

Abercrombie (Lou Costello): A face like mine is hard to forget.
Buzz Kurtis (Bud Abbott): How do you know?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): I’ve been tryin’ for years!

Buzz Kurtis (Bud Abbott): You can’t sleep?
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): No.
Buzz Kurtis (Bud Abbott): I’ve got just the thing for you. Don’t go away. [He leaves the room, returning with a phonograph record] Well, pal, here it is.
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): What do you got there?
Buzz Kurtis (Bud Abbott): [reading the label] “Go To Sleep with Dr. Caswell Snide.”
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): Oh, no! I wanna sleep alone!

Buzz Kurtis (Bud Abbott): Now, listen. This is even better than you getting socked. You’re dead!
Abercrombie (Lou Costello): If I’m dead, then … then why am I so hungry?