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Funny movie quotes about Beauty

Funny movie quotes about Beauty – ranging from westerns, to dramas, to horror movies! Enjoy, but remember “beauty is vain” …

[Sheriff Harold Gould doesn’t like private eye Paul Newman’s answers]
Paul Newman: I don’t care if you take my word or not! I’m not working for you!
Harold Gould: If I wanted to be ugly, I …
Paul Newman: You are ugly!

Harper (1966)

Dean Martin

[Secret agent Matt Helm, on a fellow agent that’s lost her beauty & youth]
We want her to feel like a beautiful young woman again.
Matt Helm (Dean Martin): Have you tried prayer?

The Ambushers (1967)

Red Skelton and Esther Williams in a publicity photo from "Bathing Beauty"

Esther Williams

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): But he doesn’t like pools!
Xavier Cugat: Wait till you see what’s in it!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Don’t tell me it’s a woman – he’d never fall for a bathing suit.
Xavier Cugat: Wait till you see what’s in it!

Bathing Beauty (1944)

George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [taking about Esther Williams] Wait a minute, Steve – how does she look in a bathing suit?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): How does she look in a bathing suit? [to the audience] Is he kidding?

Bathing Beauty (1944)

Tom Destry Jr. (Jimmy Stewart): I’ll bet you’ve got kind of a lovely face under all that paint, huh? Why don’t you wipe it off someday and have a good look – and figure out how you can live up to it.

Destry Rides Again

Carolyn Jones

Cathy Gray (Carolyn Jones): [Sue is helping Cathy get ready] Pull it tighter Sue, pull it tighter, I want a waist like Anna Held.
Sue Allen (Phyllis Kirk): If I pull it any tighter you’re not going to be able to breathe.
Cathy Gray (Carolyn Jones): Oh that’s alright, I don’t need much breath anyway, as my late friend Matty used to say, if a girl don’t watch her figure, the men won’t.

House of Wax (1953)

Shirley MacLaine

Mrs. Foster: Louisa, you turned out real beautiful. You have something to sell. Take a mother’s advice. Sell it now. 

What a Way to Go (1964)

Mae West

Schoolboy: We was doin’ arithmetic on the blackboard when Miss Foster took sick.
Flower Belle Lee (Mae West): Oh, arithmetic … I was always pretty good at figures myself.

My Little Chickadee

[W. C. Fields is asking the straitlaced Margaret Hamilton about the lovely Mae West]

Mrs. Gideon (Margaret Hamilton): Well! I’m afraid I can’t say anything good about her.
Cuthbert J. Twillie (W. C. Fields): I can see what’s good. Tell me the rest.

My Little Chickadee

Abbott and Costello

‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Beauty is only skin deep.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): That’s deep enough for me. I’m no cannibal.

Rio Rita

Marx Brothers

Groucho Marx: [after watching a beautiful woman leave, swinging her hips] They reminds me, I must get my watch fixed.

A Night in Casablanca

Groucho Marx: [ducking into a showgirl’s dressing room to hide] Please don’t let them take me, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me — and I’d like to spend it here.


Joan Crawford

Patch Gallagher (Clark Gable): Yes, yes, yes, the top spot. Where if you drop, you’ve got twice as far to fall. Maybe I’m a sap for trying. And maybe I can make something out of you, if you can stand up when I get through with you.
Janie ‘Duchess’ Barlow (Joan Crawford): I’ve got good legs, Mr. Gallagher.
Patch Gallagher (Clark Gable): Yes, so I’ve noticed; but, don’t let them run away with you.

Dancing Lady

Three Stooges

Schuyler Davis: [Back in time to Ancient Greece, admiring the architecture] You know, these old Greek things certainly have lovely curves, haven’t they?
Moe Howard: [looking at a young lady] These young Greek things ain’t bad, either!

The Three Stooges Meet Hercules

Bob Hope

Maria (Gina Lollobrigida): [turning down Bob Hope] You will find a nice American woman who will have much more than I have.
Sgt. Dan O’Farrell (Bob Hope): I don’t know where she’d put it.

The Private Navy of Sgt. O’Farrell

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