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Chuck Norris one-line jokes

Some *very* funny one-liner jokes about Chuck Norris,

  • The only thing we have to fear is fear itself … The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  • Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
  • The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.
  • Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
    Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
  • If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting, Chuck Norris goes killing … Hunting implies the possibility of failure
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the face, now we call it a giraffe.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light on. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark,but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris once got in a knife fight … the knife lost
  • When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn’t sleep in Superman pajamas … Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas
  • The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
  • The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  • The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  • Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  • When Chuck Norris donates blood, he passes on the needle and asks for a hand gun and bucket

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