Funny movie quotes from White Christmas, with many funny lines between Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): When what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting, whatever it is you’ve got left.
Doris: Well how do you like that? Not so much as a “kiss my foot” or “have an apple”.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): How do you do?
Doris: Mutual, I’m sure.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): I want you to get married. I want you to have nine children. And if you only spend five minutes a day with each kid, that’s forty-five minutes, and I’d at least have time to go out and get a massage or something.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): That’s very funny. Ho, ho, ho. The crooner is becoming the comic.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): How can a guy *that* ugly have the nerve to have sisters?
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Very brave parents.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Oh, Phil, when are you going to learn that girls like that are a dime a dozen?
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Please, don’t quote me the price when I haven’t got the time.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): You don’t expect me to get serious with the kind of characters you and Rita have been throwing at me, do you?
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Well, there have been some nice girls, too, you know.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Oh yeah, yeah. Like that nuclear scientist we just met out in the hall.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): All right, they didn’t go to college. They didn’t go to Smith.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Go to Smith? She couldn’t even spell it.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): In some ways, you’re far superior to my cocker spaniel.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Let’s just say we’re doing it for an old pal in the army.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Well, it’s not good, but it’s a reason.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): It’s cozier, isn’t it? Boy, girl, boy, girl.
[to the Haynes sisters]
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Mr. Wallace was just saying how remarkable it was that Benny Haynes sisters should have eyes …
[voice cracks]
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): …I mean, blue eyes. That is eyes …
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Nice out.
[after Betty finds Judy and Phil embracing]
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): What is this? The best two outta three?
Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen): I guess I got carried away.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Yeah, she carried me right with her – I don’t weigh very much.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Vermont, huh?
Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen): Oh, Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, with all that snow.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Yeah, you know something’¦ Vermont should be beautiful this time of year, with all that snow.
Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen): That’s what I just said.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): We seem to be getting a little mixed up.
Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen): Maybe it’s the music.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Maybe it isn’t only the music.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Miss Haynes, if you’re ever under a falling building and someone offers to pick you up and carry you to safety, don’t think, don’t pause, don’t hesitate for a moment, just spit in his eye.
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): What did that mean?
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): It means we’re going to Vermont.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): How much is “wow”?
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): It’s right in between, uh, “ouch” and “boing”.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Wow!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: There’s no Christmas in the Army!
[General Waverly has told the jeep driver to take the new Commanding General back to Headquarters via a short cut]
Joe, Adjutant Captain: [pointing after the departed jeep] That’s not the way to Headquarters!
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: Joe, you know that, and *I* know that, but the General doesn’t! At least he won’t for the next two hours.
Joe, Adjutant Captain: That sergeant will be a private in the morning.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: [wearily] Yes, isn’t he lucky.
[General Waverly has come downstairs for the Christmas Eve show in his uniform]
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: [to Susan] You didn’t expect me to come down in my bathrobe, did you?
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): [into his water glass] Pushing, pushing.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: [to Capt. Wallace] Don’t just stand there – how do I get off?
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): When I figure out what that means I’ll come up with a crushing reply.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): We like to take care of our friends.
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): But we’re practically strangers!
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Uh, we like to take care of that too.
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): But I don’t understand. Why are you doing this? I mean, what’s in it for you?
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Forty-five minutes all to myself.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): We wouldn’t be any good as generals.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: You weren’t any good as privates
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): [singing on the train] I want to wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Oh,I hope I can take back the electric blanket back.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Where’s that?
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Under the underwear.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): We ate, and then he ate. We slept and then he slept.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Yeah, then he woke up and nobody slept for forty-eight hours.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): [Buying train tickets] Uh, I don’t seem to have any cash.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Where’d you leave that? In your snood?
Emma Allen: [Regarding the inn] This place used to be a grist mill and a barn. Now it’s a Tyrolean haunted house.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): We looked at this big ski lodge and said isn’t it ideal. That’s the word we used, ideal. Absolutely, ideal.
Gen. Thomas F. Waverly: We’ve acknowledged that the ski lodge is ideal.
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): Why, all of a sudden, are people so concerned about my eating habits? Why don’t people just leave me alone?
Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen): [after creating her phony engagement with Phil] Don’t you think we ought to kiss or something?
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): [Obviously nervous] Not until it’s absolutely necessary.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): [Regarding Phil] I don’t know what you see in this tall drink of charged water, but after you get to know him he’s almost endurable.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): [to Judy] You’re lucky! You might have been stuck with this weirdsmobile for life!
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Rattlin’!
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): Mr. Bones feels rattlin’. Ha ha. That’s a good one. Tell a little story, Mr. Bones.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): A funny little story, Mr. Bones!
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): How do you stop an angry dog from biting you on Monday?
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): That joke is old. The answer is to kill the dog on Sunday!
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): That’s not how you stop a dog from biting you on Monday!
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): How do you bring a thing about?
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Have the doggy’s teeth pulled out!
Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney): Oh, Mr. Bones, that’s terrible!
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Uh-huh.
Betty Haynes, Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Yes, Mr. Bones, that’s terrible!
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Uh-huh.
Judy Haynes (Vera-Ellen): Looks like it’s absolutely necessary.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): I have a feeling I’m not going to like this.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): I have a feeling you’re gonna hate it.
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby): Then why should I do it.
Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): Let’s just say we’re doing it for an old
Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby), Phil Davis (Danny Kaye): pal in the army … yeah