Funny movie quotes from What! No Beer? a very funny Prohibition-era comedy starring Jimmy Durante and Buster Keaton
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): She came into my shop to have her armadillo stuffed.
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): Say, it’s so dark here, I can’t see the nose before my face.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): I don’t have that trouble.
[To his friend the taxidermist, wanting his fish stuffed]
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): What’ll I do with it?
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Stuff it!
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): Where?
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): All over!
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): What’s the cost of a Rolls Town Car got to do with stuffin’ my fish?
Voting Registrar: What’s your name.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Jimmy the Barber.
Voting Registrar: What’s your last name?
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Do I have to tell you that?
Voting Registrar: Yes!
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Potts – and no crack!
Voting Registrar: What – hey – what’s your name?
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): Elmer J. Butts.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): You know, Elmer, I’d give ten dollars, right now, to be a millionaire!
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): So would I.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): It’s incredulous!
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Feel your way. Feel your way.
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): Can’t we make beer in the daylight?
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): We’re makin’ dark beer. How can you make dark beer in the daylight?
Chief: Well, what percentage of alcohol did you find in the evidence?
Police Chemist: Not a drop of alcohol in it.
Chief: You mean, it’s near beer?
Police Chemist: It ain’t been anywheres near a beer. It’s brown dishwater.
Cop: You mean they weren’t selling beer?
Police Chemist: No, they were running a tearoom.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): It took you a lifetime to save that ten thousand. Now you’re broke. And it’s all my fault.
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): Oh, it’s not your fault, Jimmy. I was just crazy to be a millionaire.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): What for, Elmer?
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): I was going to get married.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): That’s a tough break for the gal. Who is she?
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): I haven’t met her yet.
Hortense: Do you think it’s wrong for a girl to take her dress off in front of a man?
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): Well, I guess it’s all in the way he looks at it.
Hortense: [smiles] I think you’re a naughty man!
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Who’s the dame?
Elmer J. Butts (Buster Keaton): She’s a native of Australia.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Elmer, are you in love with a kangaroo?
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Can you imagine? At a time like this. Elmer’s in the park – spoonin’. Why, it’s enough to give a man varicose brains.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): Friends! I won’t call you ladies and gentlemen, because I know you too well for that.
Jimmy Potts (Jimmy Durante): In a gigantic struggle, my partner, Elmer Butts, brought beer back to you against exaggeratin’ odds! He will go down in American posterity as performin’ the greatest epicure of the age! He gives you this delicious beer garden – free of charge. And desecrates it to the future of a foamin’ generation!