Funny movie quotes from Living It Up – a Dean Martin/Jerry Lewis comedy, where they pretend Jerry’s terminally ill. And get wined and dined in New York City!
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): I wish I could go to New York with yuh.
Isaiah Jackson: Now, Homer, you’re gonna be fillin’ my shoes, stationmaster of Desert Hole!
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): [dejectedly] Yeah.
Isaiah Jackson: [optimistically] In exactly 52 years you’ll be getting your pension. Then you’ll be on your way to wine, women, and song.
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): In 52 years who’ll be able to sing?
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: What if this kid doesn’t die in three weeks? What if he just keeps on living?
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: Why, I wouldn’t let him do a thing like that to you, Oliver! [Oliver reacts]
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): [to Dr. Harris as he sees a skeleton in his office closet] You probably thought nothing was wrong with him either!
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: What’s the matter with you, Homer? You should be celebrating. I just saved your life. First patient I ever did that for.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: Homer, don’t you think I’d want you to have radiation poisoning, just to break up the monotony?
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: [about the one-horse town] Have you lived her your whole life?
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): Oh, twice that long.
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]:You’re going all the way to New York because you’ve got radiation poisoning.
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): How far can I go on a sinus condition?
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: I’m sorry, Homer. I may have been last in my class, but I’m a doctor. I couldn’t hand in a phony report: I swore the solemn hippocratic oath. With purity and holiness, I will pass my life and practice my art.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: I’m sorry. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a girl – I mean a female girl, in Desert Hole.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: [flirtatiously on board a plane] Now you tell me where you live, and i’ll pick you up.
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: My dear doctor, I live on the front page of the Morning Chronicle.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: On the what?
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: [Louder] On the front page of the Morning Chronicle, and you can pick me up for seven cents! Now climb back in your horse and buggy and try your bedside manner on someone else!
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: [Hearing the screech of the wheels touching down on the runway] What was that?
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: We just came down to Earth!
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): [running excitedly around his expensive hotel suite] Another bathroom! So shiny, so clean you gotta wash up before you go in there!
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: Waiter! Bottle of ginger ale for Mr. Flagg!
Waiter: [disappointed that it’s not champagne] Bottle of ginger ale for Mr. Flagg.
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: Domestic!
Wonderland Ballroom Waiter: Homer, don’t eat the food here – it’ll kill ya.
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): I don’t want any monument.
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: Why?
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): Because I hate pigeons.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: If this city ever finds out what kind of a fraud you are, they’ll lock you up and throw away the warden.
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: [to Oliver Stone, trying to persuade him to pay for specialists who might be able to save Homer’s life] And there’s always politics, Oliver. Think what it means to be a senator! Your mail goes for free.
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): Who you hitting, you mail-order MD? For you that stands for Miserable Doctor.
First Hospital Orderly: Here’s the patient from Room 433, doctor.
Second Hospital Orderly: He seems to be in a coma.
Dr. Emile Egelhofer (Sig Ruman): I shall make the medical judgments here, gentlemen. I can dispose with your advice.
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: [to Homer] They’ll boil you in oil in Macy’s window after they marinate you for a week in Gimbel’s.
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: Oh, come on, Oliver, where’s your sense of humor?
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: [after she laughs] You were going to marry him. He would have done to you what he did to the paper.[she stops laughing]
Wally Cook [Janet Leigh]: [angrily] Why that two-timing little fraud!
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: Where’s your sense of humor?
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: …in a couple of hours the whole city of New York is going to be banging at the door howling for your blood!
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): Why, I ain’t got enough for everybody!
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): Oh, I’m feelin’ much better this morning. I heard a bird sing.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: Yeah, I heard the same bird sing, Homer, – SING SING!
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): Wha – ho – unh! The fever’s coming back!
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: [to Wally] I am sitting here, Miss Cook, toying with the idea of removing your heart and stuffing it like an olive.
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: What Homer means, is he doesn’t like to see those people suffer.
Oliver Stone [Fred Clark]: They love to suffer.
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): What college did you graduate from?
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: Who graduated?
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: That’s a pedigree basset hound – a gift from the governor of Kentucky. You don’t wanna insult the bluegrass state, do you?
Homer Flagg (Jerry Lewis): No, but why couldn’t they send me a horse I could ride…?
Homer Flagg [Jerry Lewis]: Why didn’t you give me medicine?
Dr. Steve Harris [Dean Martin]: Medicine? Never carry it. It’s too dangerous.
Announcer: And now, Homer will throw out the first ball. First ball for us, perhaps the last one for him.