Funny Movie quotes from Dirty Work (1933) starring Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy
Dirty Work – mix Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy as inept chimney sweeps, with a mad scientist and his rejuvenation potion …
[first lines]
Professor Noodle: [while pouring a beaker full of special liquid into another beaker and experimenting at his laboratory table] Ahhhhh, at last! Haha! Well, it won’t be long now.
Jessup: Shouldn’t be, you’ve been at it twenty years.
Professor Noodle: True my boy, but remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. And if this test of mine proves successful, it’ll be the greatest scientific discovery of the age – something the world’s been waiting for: rejuvenation! Just think, with a few drops of this solution, I could make you thirty years younger! Hahahaha!
[as if on cue, the cuckoo clock chimes, alluding to the fact that the professor is perhaps ‘cuckoo’ himself – and Jessup nods in agreement with it]
Professor Noodle: Three drops of frinacka… Fahlootuhhh!
Professor Noodle: [pouring in a good measure each time instead of just a “drop”] One… two… three!
Stan and Ollie go to work …
Stan: Did you hurt yourself?
Oliver: I have nothing to say. You attend to your work – and I’ll attend to mine.
Oliver: Now, where is the fireplace?
Jessup: In that room. You’ll find it standing against the wall.
Oliver: [loudly calling to the butler as he enters the foyer] Hey!
Stan: [naively] What?
Oliver: [Stan quietly comes up behind Oliver and startles him] I don’t mean you. [to the butler] How’d ya get on the roof?
Jessup: The uh skylight is in the closet at the top of the stairs. You’ll know which is the closet – it has a door on it.
[Oliver and Stan look perplexed at the odd and redundant remark]
Jessup: [in a cold voice of barely restrained fury at having the whole chimney-full of ashes dumped all over him] SOMEwhere – an ELECTRIC CHAIR is WAITING!
Stan: [in his typical naïve, innocent tone] What did he mean by that?
Oliver: [with disgusted pomposity] I still have nothing tooo SAY!
Oliver: You stay here and take care of this end. I’m going up on the roof.
Stan: What for?
Oliver: I’m going to stay as far away from you as possible.
Shovel shenanigans
Stan: [indicating a framed painting of a lake scene] That’s a pretty picture, isn’t it?
Oliver: [with restrained disgust, but trying to be good-natured] Uh-HUH!
Stan: I wonder where it is?
Oliver: I think it’s Rio Hondo. [distracted by looking at the picture, he absent-mindedly loosens his grip on the tarp he’s holding, allowing it to slip out of his hands and down onto the floor]
Stan: [not noticing that the tarp is not in front of Ollie’s chest anymore, and so he dumps a load of ashes into the collar of Ollie’s overalls, thinking it is the upper edge of the tarp] I wonder if there are any fish in there.
Oliver: [gives his famous “raised eyebrows and tight lips” expression of total exasperation, then clonks Stan over the head with the ashes shovel]
Oliver: Don’t you ever do anything right?
Stan: [in a slightly mocking manner] I have nothing to say!
Oliver: [clonks Stan over the head with the ashes shovel again]
Conclusion
Stan: [watching the ecstatic Prof hurrying giddily away to find Jessup to try his rejuvenation experiment on] What do you think about it?
Oliver: The whole thing looks screwy to me!
Stan: [seeing a nearby fishbowl with a small fish swimming around in it] How about us trying it on that fish?
Oliver: That’s a good idea… we’ll find out for ourselves! [catches the fish in his hands, then tosses it into the rejuvenation tank]
Stan: [watching Ollie climb up to the top of the rejuvenation tank with the large pitcher of dark-colored rejuvenation liquid] Be careful how much you put in – – you might make it TOO young!
Oliver: Hand me the eyedropper.
[Stan bumps him as he leans over the tank to drip the liquid into the tank. He topples head-first into the tank along with the entire full pitcher of rejuvenation liquid]
Oliver: Eee-yoof! [lands with a loud splash]
Oliver: [thrashing wildly about inside the tank as the liquid in it is furiously churned and bubbled by the extreme chemical reaction from having far too much rejuvenation liquid added to the brew] Ohhhhh… hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh! Uhhhhhhhh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huhhhhhhhh-yyyaaaaaahhhhhghkk!
Stan: [seeing Ollie re-appear above the top of the rejuvenation tank in the form of an ape – Ollie has grown so “young” as a result of the rejuvenation liquid overdose that he has actually “de-evolved” back into a primate] Ollie… don’t you know me? Won’t you speak to me?
Oliver: I have nothing to say!
Stan: [in his famous cry-baby fashion] Oh-ohhhh!