Funny movie quotes from Batman 1989 – the iconic Batman vs Joker movie, starring Michael Keaton & Jack Nicholson.
Nick: Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me, man! Don’t kill me, don’t kill me, man!!
Batman: I’m not gonna kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Nick: What ARE you?!
Batman: I’m Batman.
Carl Grissom: That you, sugar bumps? [turns around] Who the hell are you?
The Joker: It’s me…”sugar bumps”.
Carl Grissom: [alarmed] Jack? Oh…thank God you’re alive! I heard you’d been–
The Joker. Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up–over a woman. A WOMAN! You must be insane. [Grissom turns around, reaches for a gun] Don’t bother.
Carl Grissom: Your life won’t be worth SPIT!
The Joker: I’ve been dead once already. It’s very liberating. You should think of it as…therapy.
Carl Grissom: Jack–listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
The Joker: Jack? Oh, Jack is dead, my friend. [emerging into the light] You can call me…Joker. And as you can see, I’m a lot happier! [He commences to laugh maniacally as he repeatedly shoots Grissom] Ohh, what a day!
The Joker takes over
The Joker: So gentlemen, that’s how it is. Until Grissom, uh, [chuckles] resurfaces, I’m the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run this city to the ground.
Gangster: Why don’t we hear this from Grissom?
Tony: Yeah, and what’s with that stupid grin?
The Joker: Life’s … been good to me.
Tony: What if we say “No”?
The Joker: Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. And if we can’t do business, why, we just shake hands and that’ll be it. [they shake hands, and Joker electrocutes him with a “joy” buzzer]
Vicki: Some people say that you’re as dangerous as the Joker.
Batman: He’s psychotic.
Vicki: There are some people who say the same thing about you.
Batman: What people?
Vicki: Well let’s face it, you’re not exactly…”normal”, are you?
Batman: It’s not exactly a “normal” world, is it?
Bruce: What’s on your mind, Alfred?
Alfred: I have no wish to spend my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.
Vicki Vale and Batman
Vicki: Hi. Tell me if I’m crazy. But that wasn’t just another night for either of us, was it? I mean, we both got to each other, didn’t we? Why won’t you let me in? Why?
Bruce: You got in.
Vicki: I’ve loved you since I met you. But I don’t know what to think of all this. I really don’t.
Bruce: Look, sometimes I don’t know what to think about this. It’s just something I have to do.
Vicki: Why?
Bruce: Because nobody else can. Look, I tried to avoid all this, but I can’t. This is how it is. It’s not a perfect world.
Vicki: It doesn’t have to be a perfect world. I just gotta know, are we going to try to love each other?
Bruce: [short pause] I’d like to. But he’s out there right now. And I’ve got to go to work.
Batman versus Joker
Batman: Excuse me. You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? [punches Joker and knocks him against a bell, before grabbing him] I’m going to kill you!
Joker: You idiot! You made me, remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn’t easy to get over, and don’t think that I didn’t try!
Batman: [smirks] I know you did. [punches Joker in the stomach and knocks him through a wall] You killed my parents.
Joker: Wha-what? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you; you made me first.
Joker: Hey, bat-brain, I was a kid when I killed your parents! I mean, I say I made you, you’ve gotta say you made me … how childish can you get? [puts on a pair of glasses] You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you? Huh!? [Batman knocks him over the side]
Harvey Dent: We’ve received a letter from Batman this morning. “Please inform the citizens of Gotham that Gotham City has earned a rest from crime. But if the forces of evil should rise again to cast a shadow on the heart of the city, call me.”
Alexander Knox: Question: How do we call him?
Commissioner Gordon: He gave us this signal! [activates the Bat-signal searchlight]
