Sentences which actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a service
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
- Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving milk, please come early.
- Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the Pastor.
- Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the Minister in his study.
- This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jackson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
- The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join her.
- On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpeting. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
- This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
[Source: Reportedly from Richard Lederer’s Anguished English]