Actual Federal Employee Evaluation Quotes – Utterly hilarious! Such as, ‘If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.’
- Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won’t be.
- Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts the better.
- This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
- A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Fell out of the family tree.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is going nowhere.
- Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- He is so dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.
- If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
- Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch the 60 minutes program.
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.