Funny Movie Quotes from The Nutty Professor(1963) starring Jerry Lewis, Stella Stevens
Gym Attendant: Are you hurt?
Professor Julius Kelp (Jerry Lewis): Well, if a man with an ulcer and a splinter in his finger and a nail in his foot was then struck by lightning, if you could say that man was not hurt then yes you could say I’m not hurt.
Dr. Hamius R. Warfield (Del Moore): It’s just human nature. People don’t like teachers blowing up their kids!
Dr. Hamius R. Warfield (Del Moore): I understand the scientists have their little eccentricities. Einstein hated haircuts, De Vinci love to paint, and Newton …
Professor Julius Kelp (Jerry Lewis): He had something to do with figs, right?
Professor Julius Kelp (Jerry Lewis): Well, just don’t do something, sit there!
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): Fine.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Crazy. I thought I’d visit your little land of learning. Cute. Cute pad.
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): What happened to you last night? What’d you run away like that for? I thought you saw a ghost or something.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Oh yeah. How ’bout that? Well, that’s why I stopped by. I thought I’d lay it on ya, but this ain’t the place to talk. What do you say we meet later at the Purple Pit? We can talk better there.
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): Well, I dunno. You’re pretty weird, you know, and I don’t want …
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Chi-chi. Ten o’ clock?
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): Perfect.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Figures.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): I know what you’re thinking: Where’s he been all my life? Right?
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): No, not exactly.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): And that you’re happy with the way I handled those three goons, right? Well, normally I would’ve belted them, but I didn’t want to muss myself all up and have you dance with a sloppy guy. Dig?
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): Well then, you restrained yourself just for little old me.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): I knew you’d appreciate it. I do a lot of nice things.
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): Well, is that really the case or is this line 27-a for young college girls?
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Aww, you see? You went and done it. For one of the rare moments in my life when I dig deep into the soul, and you doubt my veracity.
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): Well, it’s not your veracity that I doubt. The music stopped.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Yeah, I heard.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): They’re all nice kids. All nice. All nice kids. They have very, very good taste, I might add.
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): I’m glad. It would be a shame to waste the genius of yours on the riff-raff.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Well, honey, I always say, if you’re good and you know it, why waste time beating around the bush, true?
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): And I always say that to love yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance. And after watching you, I know that you and you will be very happy together.
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Just a minute, sweetheart. I don’t recall dismissing you.
Stella Purdy (Stella Stevens): You rude, discourteous egomaniac!
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): You’re crazy about me, right? And I can understand it. Only this morning, looking in the mirror before shaving, I enjoyed seeing what I saw so much I couldn’t tear myself away. Have some, baby?
Purple Pit Bartender (Buddy Lester): What’ll it be?
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Aww … That’s no way to talk. Tsk, tsk, tsk. “What’ll it be?” That’s no way to treat a customer. C’mere. Try it like this. Pay attention. You’ll feel better and the customers’ll be happier. Try this: “What’ll it be? Hmmm?” Try that. Come on. We haven’t got all night. Try it.
Purple Pit Bartender (Buddy Lester): What’ll it be? Hmmm?
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Good! That was wonderful. Did anyone ever tell you you couldn’t sing?
Buddy Love (Jerry Lewis): Here y’are, baby. Take this, wipe the lipstick off, slide over here next to me, and let’s get started.