Funny movie quotes from Buck Privates (1941) starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello
[Lou Costello passes his Army physical by 2 ounces, speaks to his stomach]
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Just for that, you go to bed without any supper!
[during war games, shells burst around Bud and Lou’s unit, causing them to all hit the dirt]
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): What did I join the Army for?
Soldier: To defend your native soil.
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Well, they don’t have to feed it to me!
You’re 40 She’s 10
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): You’re 40 years-old and you’re in love with this little girl that’s 10 years-old. You’re four times as old as that girl and you couldn’t marry her, could you?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Not unless I come from the mountains.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): All right- you’re 40 years-old, you’re four times as old as this girl, and you can’t marry her, so you wait five years. By that time the little girl’s 15 and you’re 45. You’re only three times as old as that little girl. So you wait 15 years and when the girl is 30, you’re at 60. You’re only twice as old as that little girl.
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): She’s catching up.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Yes, yes. Now here’s the question. How long do you have to wait until you and that little girl are the same age?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Now what kinda question is that? That’s ridiculous!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Ridiculous or not, answer the question.
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): If I wait for that girl she’ll pass me up. She’ll wind up older than I am.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): What are you talking about?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): She’ll have to wait for me!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Why should she wait for you?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): …I was nice enough to wait for her!
Drill Routine
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Throw your chest out! Go on! Throw your chest out!
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): I’m not through with it yet!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Quiet!
[ad-libbed during the drill routine]
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): What time is it?
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): None of your business!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): [Herbie mumbles something during a drill routine] What did you say?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): I’m just talking to myself.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Well, don’t talk so loud!
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Well, I gotta hear what I have to say.
Mrs. Parker: How can they make a Yale man a private?