Funny movie quotes from Bathing Beauty, starring Red Skelton, Esther Williams, Basil Rathbone
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Hey Carlos, did you learn this song I wrote for Miss Brooks?
Carlos Ramirez: Si, si.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Oh, now she’ll be here in a couple of minutes, and when you sing, put your heart and soul into it, don’t let her get away from you.
Carlos Ramirez: Don’t worry, when I sing they never get away.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Good. Well, on second thought maybe you better put my heart and soul into it, huh?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): Darling …
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Yes, dear?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): I have a surprise for you.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): What?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): I can cook!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Sweetheart, I have a surprise for you … I can’t eat.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): But he doesn’t like pools!
Xavier Cugat: Wait till you see what’s in it!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Don’t tell me it’s a woman – he’d never fall for a bathing suit.
Xavier Cugat: Wait till you see what’s in it!
But you can’t retire! I need you!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [learning that Steve Elliot plans to retire] No, no, no, no, no.
Xavier Cugat: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): But what am I going to do with Harry James? What am I going to do with my water pageant? What am I going to do with these pipes and props and faucets?
Xavier Cugat: I don t know … have you seen a plumber?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): We re still getting married tomorrow?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): Yes, dear, of course, providing my grandfather wires his consent … and my dowry.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Your dowry? You mean I get money too?
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): He can t do this to me! I m his best friend! I ll get those songs even if I have to stop this marriage!
The con begins
Maria Dorango (Jacqueline Dalya):: Stop!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): What s the meaning of this?
Maria Dorango (Jacqueline Dalya):: This man is my husband!
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): What?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): What?
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): What? What proof have you?
Maria Dorango (Jacqueline Dalya):: [summons Pedro, Pablo & Pancho, her three red-headed sons]
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Believe me, in times of stress, work is the only solution! Pack up, old boy, while I go downstairs and pay the bill. You must bury yourself in your music!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): I’d as soon bury myself.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Do you remember where she was going?
Carlos Ramirez: I don t remember … something like a cow.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Not to Mos-cow?
Carlos Ramirez: No.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Istan-bull?
Carlos Ramirez: No, no. Is there some place such as Jersey?
Women-only college
Gate guard: We don t allow men in this school; and especially we don t allow men with red hair!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Well, I didn t know … [spies someone within the gates] oh, you don t allow men, huh? What s that guy, a tomboy?
Gate guard: That s Professor Evans, professors don t count.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): I bet that guy can t read, either.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): At least tell her to call me at the Town & Country Club; it s a matter of life and death mine.
Donald Meek: It’s that darn charter. If I don t change the charter, I ll lose my job; I lose my job, and I ll lose my girl; I lose my girl, and I’m lost.
Student: Professor Hendricks won t be here for 10 minutes – we set his clock back!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Oh, good. His music sets me back about 10 years.
Professor Hendricks: Are we keeping you awake, Mr. Elliot?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Barely.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Isn t that red-headed fellow wonderful? Hey, that’s me!
Chaos at college
[Willis Great Dane dog, Duke, is trapping Red inside a closet]
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams):He probably just smells a rat.
Willis: Don t you mean a mouse?
Caroline Brooks (Esther Williams): No, I mean a rat. A big rat.
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Oops, I m in the wrong room!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): You certainly are, you ought to be in a padded cell!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): Hello, George.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): Aren t you carrying this girls school thing a little too far?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): [dressed in Esther Williams clothes] Oh, I m dressed like a dame to escape a Dane.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): I’d do anything to get the music for my water pageant. Schubert s the only guy who ever got away with an unfinished symphony!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): I ll help you with your homework. You may not know it, but I was expelled from Oxford!
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [After Red has given him all of his homework to do] You know, Steve, it looks as though I m working your way through college!
Madame Zarka: We do not waddle like a duck!
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): It s the only way I know how to waddle.
Carlos Ramirez: The figure is familiar, but I cannot place the voice.
George Adams (Basil Rathbone): [taking about Esther Williams] Wait a minute, Steve – how does she look in a bathing suit?
Steve Elliot (Red Skelton): How does she look in a bathing suit? [to the audience] Is he kidding?