How to install a Southern home security system
- Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men’s work boots.
- Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
- Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and the magazine.
- Leave a note on your door that reads:
Dear Bubba,
Me and Marcel, Donny Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.
I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell with all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em inside the house. Better wait outside.
Be right back.
Cooter