Funny movie quotes from Avengers: Infinity War – a dark movie, that counterbalances with a lot of verbal humor – enjoy!
[Wong saves Stark]
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Wong, you’re invited to my wedding.
Rocket Raccoon: You speak Groot?
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): Yes, they taught it on Asgard. It was an elective.
Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo): Who’s Scott?
Steve Rogers (Chris Evans): Ant-Man.
Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo): There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?
Eitri: You understand, boy, you’re about to take the full force of a star. It’ll kill you.
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): Only if I die.
Eitri: Yes. That’s what… killing you means.
Rocket Raccoon: This is Thanos we’re talking about. He’s the toughest there is
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): Well, he’s never fought me.
Rocket Raccoon: Yeah, he has.
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): He’s never fought me twice.
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): There are six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth, they’re with the Avengers.
Peter Quill: The Avengers?
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): The Earth’s mightiest heroes.
Mantis: Like Kevin Bacon?
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): He may be on the team. I don’t know, I haven’t been there in a while.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Ok, let me ask you this one time: What master do you serve?
Peter Quill: Oh, what master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) [Bruce is struggling to Hulk out] Dude, you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.
[the Guardians bring Thor aboard]
Peter Quill: How the hell is this dude still alive?
Drax: He is not a dude. You’re a dude. This… this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.
Peter Quill: I’m muscular.
Rocket Raccoon: Who are you kidding, Quill? You’re one sandwich away from fat.
Peter Quill: Yeah, right.
Drax: It’s true. You have put on weight.
Peter Quill: What?
[Drax gestures at his chin and gut]
Peter Quill: Gamora, do you think I’m…
Mantis: [sensing Thor] He is anxious, angry, he feels tremendous loss and guilt.
Drax: It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.
Peter Quill: Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay, I’m gonna get a Bowflex. I’m gonna commit. I’m gonna get some dumbbells.
Rocket Raccoon: You know you can’t eat dumbbells, right?
Gamora: [touching Thor’s arms] It’s like his muscles are made of Chitauri metal fibers.
Peter Quill: Stop massaging his muscles.
Okoye: When you said you were going to open Wakanda to the rest of the world, this is not what I imagined.
T’Challa: What did you imagine?
Okoye: The Olympics, maybe even a Starbucks.
Peter Parker (Tom Holland): Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I’m sorry.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) I don’t want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?
Bus Driver [Stan Lee]: What’s the matter with you kids? You’ve never seen a spaceship before?
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): We gotta turn this ship around.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Yeah, now he wants to run. Great plan.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): No, I want to protect the stone.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): And I want you to thank me. Now, go ahead. I’m listening.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): For what? Nearly blasting me into space?
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Who just saved your magical ass? Me.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Admit it, you should’ve ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Unlike everyone else in your life, I don’t work for you.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying doughnut billions of miles from Earth with no backup.
Peter Parker (Tom Holland) I’m backup.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): No, you’re a stowaway. The adults are talking.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): I’m sorry, I’m confused as to the relationship here. What is he, your ward?
Peter Parker (Tom Holland) No. I’m Peter, by the way.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Doctor Strange.
Peter Parker (Tom Holland) Oh, you’re using made-up names. Um… I’m Spider-Man, then.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): You throw another moon at me and I’m gonna lose it!
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): If Thanos needs all six, why don’t we just stick this one down a garbage disposal?
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): No can do.
Wong: We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): And I swore off dairy… but then Ben & Jerry’s named a flavor after me, so…
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Stark Raving Hazelnuts.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Not bad.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): A bit chalky.
Wong: A Hunk of Hulk of Burning Fudge is our favorite.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Seriously? You don’t have any money?
Wong: Attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): I’ll tell the guys at the deli. Maybe they’ll make you a metaphysical ham and rye.
Wong: Wait, wait, wait. I think I have two hundred.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Dollars?
Wong: Rupees.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): Which is?
Wong: A… buck and a half.
Dr. Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch): [sighs] What do you want?
Wong: I wouldn’t say no to a tuna melt.
Rocket Raccoon: Nidavellir is real? Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful and horrific weapons to ever torment the universe. I would very much like to go there, please.
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): The rabbit is correct and clearly the smartest among you.
Rocket Raccoon: Rabbit?
Ebony Maw: Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Yeah, but the kid’s seen more movies.
[Iron Man blows a hole in the ship, Ebony Maw is sucked out into space as in the climax of Aliens]
Peter Parker (Tom Holland) You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighborhood. [pause] Okay, that didn’t really make sense, but you know what I’m trying to say.
Mantis: We are arriving.
Peter Quill: All right, Guardians, don’t forget this might be dangerous, so let’s put on our mean faces.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): We haven’t caught up, have we?
Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo): No.
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): The Avengers broke up. We’re toast.
Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo): Broke up? Like a band? Like the Beatles?
Drax: [wrestling the Cloak of Levitation] Die, blanket of death!
Steve Rogers (Chris Evans): [to Thor] New haircut?
Thor (Chris Hemsworth): Looks like you’ve copied my beard. By the way, this is a friend of mine, the tree.
Groot: I am Groot!
Steve Rogers (Chris Evans): I am Steve Rogers.
Peter Quill: [Pointing guns at Stark and Parker] Everybody stay where you are, chill the F out. I’m gonna ask you this one time: where is Gamora?
Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.): Yeah, I’ll do you one better. Who’s Gamora?
Drax: I’ll do you one better. Why is Gamora?