Funny movie quotes from A Southern Yankee – a Red Skelton comedy set in the closing days of the American Civil War, co-starring the beautiful Arlene Dahl.
Funny movie quotes from A Southern Yankee, starring Red Skelton, Arlene Dahl
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): I’d like to join your Secret Service outfit.
Colonel Baker: You’ve been talking to me about that for three years.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Well, that goes to show I’m a man who don’t know the meaning of the word ‘surrender.’
Colonel Baker: Well, look it up and stop bothering me.
Grey Spider: You’re a very clever young man.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): You wouldn’t think it to look at me.
Grey Spider: I certainly wouldn’t.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Thanks!
Colonel Baker: The paper’s in the pocket of the boot with the buckle. The map’s in the packet in the pocket of the jacket. Understand?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Hmm?
Colonel Baker: And if you get them mixed up, you’re a dead goose.
Aubrey Filmore: Oh, well let’s see now. The paper’s in the pocket of the macket with a jacket, and the . . No, I see, the packet’s in the ..
Sergeant: Don’t want to lose a valuable man like you.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Thanks.
Sergeant: … prematurely.
Sergeant: How old are you?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Only 26.
Sergeant: 26 … that’s a ripe old age for a jackass.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Sallyann, if you found a Northern spy, would you turn him in to be shot?
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): No, I don’t think so. I’d shoot him myself.
Colonel Weatherby: I wish all of my officers were as stupid as you.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): So do I!
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): I’d like to have you to meet my cousin, Elektra.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Morning, Elektra.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Save me a dance for later, we’ll sit it out.
Colonel Weatherby: Now, if you don’t mind, the map, if you please.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Oh, the map, the map, the map . . [to himself] The map’s in the packle of the bucket with the jeckle. No, the jacket’s in the buckle of the pocket with the poodle – the boodle.
Colonel Weatherby: Major Drummond, the map!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Yes, the map, the map, the map . . [to himself] The map’s in the packle of the bugle with the pickle. No, no. The pocket of the boo – with the bagel. Not the bagel, the bugle, er, the buckle [aloud] That’s it, the boot with the buckle. [He hands over the wrong document] I always carry my secret papers in the boot with the buckle. They’d have to kill me to get it, Sir. A soldier always dies with his bookles on, er, his bagels buckled, er, his . . Nice pair of shoes, don’t you think?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Sally Ann, Will you marry me after the war?
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): No, I refuse to wait so long. It’s either now, or it’s now.
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl):Your father?
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Yeah, I always promised Pappy I would never get married unless he was there to give me away.
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): It’s customary to give the bride away, not the groom!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Yeah, but my Pappy don’t care nothing about customs. He used to say to me when I was a little boy, he’d say, ‘Son’’he always called me ‘son’’he’d look at me wistful-like and he’d say, ‘Son, I’d be happy if I could give you away.’
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): I don’t want to die now! I want to be a husband, a father, a grandfather. Do you think they’ll wait?
General Watkins: After this, they’ll probably make you a colonel.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): I’d rather they’d make me a civilian.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Whatever happens, Sally Ann, always remember that I love you. And believe me, something’s going to happen!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Who’s a coward?
Major: You are, you belly-groanin’ lizard!
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Well, that’s different.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): [about to be executed by firing squad] I’m dyin’ for a smoke!
Kurt Devlynn: Don’t worry, you’ll be smoking later.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): Fine time for a joke.
Aubrey Filmore (Red Skelton): What did you save me for, anyway?
Sallyann Weatharby (Arlene Dahl): For a fate worse than death! [they kiss]