Funny movie quotes from The Kennel Murder Case (1933) starring William Powell, Mary Astor, Eugene Pallette, directed by Michael Curtiz – a murder mystery with a lot of humor!
Suicide?
Philo Vance: What do you think of the suicide theory now, Sergeant?
Detective Sgt. Heath: Well, it’s slightly complicated since the man shot, slugged and stabbed himself – especially in the back.
Philo Vance: Say, Markham, I just heard about Arthur Coe.
Dist. Atty. Markham: Yes. Too bad he had to bump himself off like that.
Philo Vance: Hmm, that’s why I called you. You sure that he did bump himself off?
Dist. Atty. Markham: Well, his butler tells us he’s sitting in a locked room with a revolver in his hand and a bullet in his head. I don’t know what else you’d call it.
Philo Vance: Well, if you knew Archer Coe, you would know that suicide would be almost a psychological impossibility for him.
Dist. Atty. Markham: Psychological, bosh! Now two and two make four, don’t they?
Philo Vance: How do you know you have two and two?
[while posing Doris with her champion dog and his numerous awards, the photographer hikes the lady’s skirt to show her shapely legs]Photographer at Dog Show: There! That’s great!
[Doris rearranges her skirt to cover her legs]
Doris Delafield: Sorry, boys, but these are not trophies.
That poor, suffering Doctor
Philo Vance: [Refering to the wounded Sir Thomas] Could the wound have been self-inflicted, doctor?
Dr. Doremus: I’m the city butcher, not a detective. Don’t bother me with any murders after three tomorrow. I’m going to the World Series.
Dr. Doremus: I’m a doctor, not a detective.
Dr. Doremus: Sergeant, here’s your order for removal of the body.
Detective Sgt. Heath: Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Doremus: So long. I want food.
Detective Sgt. Heath: Well, nobody’s stoppin’ yuh.
Dr. Doremus: And if you got any more corpses, bring ’em out now, will yuh? I can’t be running up and down here all day!
Detective Sgt. Heath: Watta yuh mean running up and down all day with that swell car the city gave yuh?
Dr. Doremus: [With frustration as he leaves] Ugh!
Detective Sgt. Heath: [as the doctor’s leaving] Nothing upsets the doctor clearly.
Dr. Doremus: [Frustrated, after being called for the third time] I’d like to rent a room here until they finish this case.
Dr. Doremus: [answers phone] Hello? What? Again? I’m right in the middle of my lunch. First you interfere with my breakfast, then you ruin my lunch. Don’t you boys ever eat?
Detective Sgt. Heath: No. I’m on a diet.
Dr. Doremus: Oh, all right.
Murder?
Dist. Atty. Markham: Haven’t you got any ideas, Vance?
Philo Vance: Markham, it’s a maze of conflicting clues. Any one of seven people might have done it.
Detective Sgt. Heath: We couldn’t convict seven people, Mr. Vance.
Philo Vance: You couldn’t convict one with the evidence you’ve got.
Dr. Doremus: [Referring to the corpse] He’s been dead for four hours.
Detective Sgt. Heath: [Sarcastically] And me thinkin’ he’s playin’ possum.
Dr. Doremus: Well, there are too many people in the world anyway!
Dr. Doremus: [Referring to the corpse] There couldn’t have been much of a struggle. His hair isn’t even mussed.
Detective Sgt. Heath: Maybe somebody slugged him and then combed his hair.
Detective Sgt. Heath: Well, Mr. Vance. Looks like somebody else miscalculated.
