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Funny movie quotes from Rio Rita

Funny movie quotes from Abbott and Costello’s first movie for MGM, “Rio Rita

At the Pet Store

‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Answer the phone.
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): It didn’t ring.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Why wait until the last minute?
[phone rings]

Working at the pet store

‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Hey, Wishy, go take a Peke at Mrs. Pikes.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Take a peek at Mrs. Pike? Why can’t a take a good look?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Go get Pikes’ peke.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Pike’s Peak? What am I, a mountain climber?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Go to Mrs. Pikes’ house; you’ll see her Peke around the yard.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Peek around the yard? What do you want me to do, play hide and seek with the girl? The boss told me to wash the white dog, the … what do you call it?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Spitz?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): No, but he drools a little.

Pet Store Owner: How’s Mrs. Brown’s chou?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I don’t know, I never ate there.

‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): The last time I saw that dog, he was walking down the street and going to court.
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): How do you know he was going to court?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): He had a policeman in his mouth.
Pet store owner: Didn’t I tell you not to take the dogs out without a muzzle on?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I had a muzzle on, but I couldn’t breathe through it!

‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I’ll get her a bird dog!
Pet store owner: She hasn’t any bird.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I’ll tell you what I’ll do, boss, I’ll get her a sled dog!
Pet store owner: She hasn’t any sled!
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Then I’ll get her a bloodhound! Let her try to get out of that one!

In Rio

Ricardo Montera (John Carroll): [Referring to Rita] who is she?
Golfer: You got me, brother!
Ricardo Montera: I don’t want you brother!

Attendant: Hey, you two tramps!
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Tramps? Somebody must know us down here.
Attendant: What are you doing here?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Nothin’.
Attendant: Where do you come from?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Noplace.
Attendant: Who are you?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Nobody.
Attendant: Where do you live?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): With him. [points to Doc]
Attendant: Where does he live?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): With me.
Attendant: Where do you both live?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): With each other.

‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Suppose somebody comes in?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): You don’t want them to catch me, do you?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I’m sorry; I never think of those things.


‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Hey, Doc, how long does it take to a person to die of starvation?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): What good would it do if you knew?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I’m planning my future.

‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): I’ve got the face of a ten-year-old boy.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): If I were you, I’d give it back.

‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): How many years did you go to school?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Including kindergarten?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Yes.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): [counts] One.

The Cow’s outside

[talking about a fancy chair]
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): What’s it made out of?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Hide. [Lou tries to hide] Hey, come here, where are you going?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Someone’s coming?
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): No, hide on the chair.
[Lou tries to hide on top of a chair]
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): What’re you doing?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I’m hiding.
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): No, no, hide — hide.  A cow’s outside.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Bring her in, we’ll have a drink.

‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Did you ever go to school, stupid?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Yeah and I came out the same way.

‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Beauty is only skin deep.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): That’s deep enough for me. I’m no cannibal.

If Lou dies …

‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I want to be like the Rangers. I want to die with my boots on.
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Why?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): I got holes in my socks.

‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): If I’m the one that gets killed, get twenty-five beautiful girls to walk around me.
‘Doc’ (Bud Abbott): Why?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): If I don’t get up, then you know I’m dead.

Lucette: Is this your bedroom?
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): Yes. You can’t go in there! I’ll call the house detective!
Lucette: Darling, you’re the house detective.
‘Wishy’ (Lou Costello): What a predicament I’m in! I’ll have to ask myself to leave!

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