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Funny movie quotes from Oliver the Eighth

Funny movie quotes from Oliver the Eighth starring Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Mae Busch

Stan Laurel: [reading newspaper] Listen to this… wealthy young widow with large fortune wishes to communicate with congenial young man. Object: matrimony.

Oliver Hardy: It’s probably some old crab with a face that would stop a clock! I wouldn’t want to marry her no matter how much money she had

Stan Laurel: Well, I’d marry her.

Oliver Hardy: You would!

Stan Laurel: Well, after all, beauty is only skin deep. I’d take some of the money, and I’d have her face lifted. Then I could settle down, congenial, and I wouldn’t have to scrape chins any more… wouldn’t have to work hard any more.

Oliver Hardy: Tell me that again.

Stan Laurel: Well, if beauty was only knee… skin deep, I could take some of the money… and I’d have her skinned… and she’d be able to look at a clock without having to work hard any more… and we could settle down and scrape her chin… and congenial… if I didn’t have to work hard anymore.

Oliver Hardy: That’s a good idea.

Oliver Hardy: [preparing to leave to mail the answers to the widow’s personals ad, but then noticing what appear to be some extra initials written near the bottom of Stan’s envelope] What does “P.T.O.” mean?
Stan Laurel: “Please Turn Over”.
Oliver Hardy: [turns over the envelope and sees, “S.W.A.K. X” written near the gummed flap] “Sealed With A KISS” – -[Gives his famous scrunched-eyed grimace of disgust at the silly mushiness of the message] MMFPH!

At the house of the mad

Jitters the butler: Nice weather we had tomorrow.

Mae Busch: [pointing to Stan] What is that?

Jitters the butler: [Watching Stan eat an imaginary meal] Eh eh eh! You’re using the wrong fork!
Stan Laurel: [Looks and sees that he is, in fact, holding a spoon, which he throws down in disgust] You’re nuts!
Jitters the butler: Who said I was nuts?
Stan Laurel: She did! [points to the widow]

Stan Laurel: [giving his famous shrill whistle as Jitters walks away after picking up the imaginary cards] HREEE-yer-REET! [Jitters turns and comes back]  You dropped one.
Stan Laurel: [obligingly reaches down to pick up another imaginary card] Oh – – thank you!
Oliver Hardy: [in a disgusted mocking tone] ‘You dropped one’ – – humph!

Stan Laurel: Well I couldn’t help it, I was dreaming I was awake – then I woke up and found meself asleep!

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