Valentines Day Jokes – Collection of jokes for Valentine’s Day — suitable for kids and everyone else who breathes oxygen.
People Valentines Day Jokes
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Hog and kisses!
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A hug and a quiche!
What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
Desperate!
Liz: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Jon: “Really?”
Liz: “Yeah, you make me sick!”
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste!
What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
You get buttered up.
What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
One is bored over a man, the other is a man overboard.
If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
Antelope.
Animal Valentines Day Jokes
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
“I love you a ton!”
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine’s Day!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
“You’re fun to hang around with.”
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!
What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
What is a ram’s favorite song?
I only have eyes for ewe, Dear
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
What did one snake say to the other snake?
Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Other Valentines Day Jokes
What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.
Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t get a date.
Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
Because it’s all heart.
What did the letter say to the stamp?
You send me.
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
I’m stuck on you.
What did the pencil say to the paper?
“I dot my I’s on you!”
What did one pickle say to the other?
“You mean a great dill to me.”
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
“I’m sweet on you!”
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
“I find you very attractive.”
