A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the ‘y’ becomes silent.
And so does the husband.
A husband said to his wife,
‘No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.’
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he’ll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
A little boy asked his father, ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?’
And the father replied, ‘I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.’
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Cosmetics: A woman’s way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
The engagement ring
The wedding ring
The suffering