Home » War of the Sexes jokes » Thing every girlfriend should know

Thing every girlfriend should know

Things Every Girlfriend Should Know – written by a former boyfriend … and now husband!

  • Things every girlfriend should know

    Things every girlfriend should know

    Don’€™t make him hold your purse in the mall.

  • Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
  • Shopping is not fascinating.
  • If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking jerks.
  • Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
  • Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
  • He heard you the first time.
  • You know, you can ask him out too. Let’€™s spread the rejection around a little.
  • If you truly want honesty, don’€™t ask questions you don’€™t really want the answer to.
  • Dogs good. Cats bad.
  • ‘€œFine.” is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
  • Do not question a man’€™s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
  • He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay’€¦ maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you’€™ve never looked at another guy…
  • He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.
  • And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
  • Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you’€™re with.
  • Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
  • He does not just want to be friends.
  • Don’€™t demand a precise time when he’€™ll call.
  • Nagging is not sexy.
  • If you’€™re always right, stop asking his opinion.
  • Two words: turn signal.
  • An ‘€œI don’€™t know, what do you want to do?’€ is not an acceptable answer to every question.
  • Televised sports are more important than stories about your friends.
  • Despite what you think, sometimes he is happier left alone.
  • ‘€œNo” means no, and ‘€œYes’€ means yes. Silence means he can’€™t get a word in edgewise.
  • Unlike you, he essentially want to dress just exactly like all his friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
  • You probably don’€™t want to know what he is thinking about.
  • Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about ‘€œus’€ and ‘€œthe relationship’€.
  • Socks never constitute a gift.
  • Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby for him to look at.
  • He doesn’€™t know anything about handbags. Don’€™t even ask.
  • He did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
  • Curley is the bald one.
  • Compromise does not mean that he should abandon his position in favor of yours.
  • Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that.
  • It’€™s in neither your interest nor his to take the Quiz together.
  • Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don’€™t expect him to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.
  • Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better.
  • No, you can’€™t have the remote control.
  • Sometimes, he’€™s not thinking about you. Live with it.
  • Check your oil.
  • Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’€™t work.
  • Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’€™t expect him to like it.
  • Don’€™t cut your hair. Ever.
  • Don’€™t make him guess.
  • If you ask a question you don’€™t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’€™t want to hear.
  • He’€™s never thinking about ‘€œThe Relationship.’€
  • Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
  • Anything you wear is fine. Really.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*
*

%d bloggers like this: