Home » Thanksgiving jokes » How to survive Thanksgiving at Liberal relatives

How to survive Thanksgiving at Liberal relatives

How to survive Thanksgiving at Liberal relatives – a few suggestions …

ARRIVAL

  • ‘€œYour home looks lovely. Almost like it’€™s worth what you paid for it. Obama didn’€™t help with that yet, did he? Oh, well, maybe next term. May I use your bathroom?’€
  • In the unlikely event that your host’€™s home has appreciated in value, use this introduction instead: ‘€œLove what you’€™ve done with it. Better dump it before the new year, though, or you might face that new Obamacare tax.’€ (Wait until after dinner to make a lowball offer.)

GREETINGS

  • ‘€œOh, grandma, I’€™m so sorry about what Obama did to your Medicare. I tried to stop him.’€
  • ‘€œLittle Johnny, all grown up. Still looking for a job? Oh. There’€™s always grad school, you know. I hear Obama will pay your student loans.’€
  • ‘€œJane, you look amazing! I bet you’€™re the reason Obama promised free contraception.’€
  • ‘€œHey, kids, let’€™s watch some football. Whatever team Obama picked, that’€™s the one that’€™s going to lose. Ask Detroit.’€

GRACE

  • ‘€œI’€™m thankful that the war on women is finally over, and you accepted a racist like me back into your midst.’€
  • ‘€œI’€™m thankful for Elizabeth Warren. Now that we have a Native American in the Senate, we can celebrate without feeling guilty anymore.’€
  • ‘€œI’€™d like to take a moment to remember those four brave Americans who lost their lives because of an anti-Islamic video.’€
  • ‘€œBlessed be Obama, from whom we enjoy this bountiful harvest.’€

MEAL

  • ‘€œNo turkey for me, thanks. The poultry industry is a major contributor to global warming, and I can’€™t eat meat without thinking about how I caused Hurricane Sandy.’€
  • ‘€œI’€™m not having cranberry sauce, either. So many of our cranberries today are imported from Poland, and they supported Mitt Romney, you know.’€
  • ‘€œHave some more pumpkin pie, please. I promise not to tell Michelle Obama.’€
  • ‘€œWhat, no more Twinkies this year?’€

DEPARTURE

  • ‘€œI can’€™t believe it’€™s time to go already. Four hours and $600 million in national debt just flew by.’€
  • ‘€œGan en jie kuai le! That’€™s Happy Thanksgiving in Chinese. Might as well start learning.’€
  • ‘€œWhy don’€™t you come to our place next year. Seeing as how your taxes are going up in a few weeks, it’€™s only fair.’€
  • ‘€œSorry I parked you in. Oh, darn, I drove the Chevy Volt today. You wouldn’€™t have an extension cord, would you?’€

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*
*

%d bloggers like this: