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Stock Market Report

In today’s stock market report:

  • Helium is up.
  • Feathers were down.
  • Paper was stationary.
  • Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
  • Knives were up sharply.
  • Cows steered into a bull market.
  • Pencils lost a few points.
  • Hiking equipment was trailing.
  • Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
  • Weights were up in heavy trading.
  • Light switches were off.
  • Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
  • Diapers remained unchanged.
  • Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
  • The market for raisins dried up.
  • Coca-Cola fizzled.
  • Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
  • Sun peaked at midday.
  • Balloon prices were inflated.
  • Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
  • And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

By: Author Unknown

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