Red Skelton’s eye exam – From Red’s opening monologue on “The Red Skelton Show” (January 25, 1971) – Red talks about a visit to his eye doctor.
This doctor starts examining my eyes, now you’ve got to hear some of the conversation that went on. I said, “The eye’s making me dizzy.”
He said, “Well, let’s not blame it on the eye.”
He says to me, “Your eyes are set too close apart. There’s a brilliant doctor!
He asks, “When’s the last time you had your eyes checked?”
I said, “I’ve never had them checked! They’ve always been brown, just like they are!”
To build up my spirits he said, “Now, anything can affect your eye. Most anything. Like I’ve got one patient who lost an eye drinking coffee.”
I said, “Lost an eye drinking coffee?”
He said, “Yeah, he forgot to take the spoon out of the cup.”