99.9% success rate

99.9% success rate - that's good, right? You often hear people say that they have a “99.9% success rate”. Well, if that is acceptable, then: 
99.9% success rate – that’s good, right? You often hear people say that they have a “99.9% success rate”. Well, if that is acceptable, then: 
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Funny movie quotes from Merton of the Movies

Funny movie quotes from Merton of the Movies starring Red Skelton, Virginia O'Brien
Funny movie quotes from Merton of the Movies starring Red Skelton, Virginia O’Brien Merton Gill aka Clifford Armytage (Red Skelton): (reading a letter from the Pudolph School of Acting) “It is apparent that you definitely have a face.” Phyllis Montague (Virginia O’Brien): Are you new here? Merton Gill...
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Funny movie quotes from Hoofs and Goofs

Funny movie quotes from Hoofs and Goofs (1957) starring the Three Stooges - Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Joe Besser
Funny movie quotes from Hoofs and Goofs (1957) starring the Three Stooges – Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Joe Besser Larry (Larry Fine): I think Joe’s gone around the bend. Yesterday, he thought he was a chicken. Moe (Moe Howard): We ought to send him to an institution. Larry...
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Red Skelton’s eye exam

Red Skelton's eye exam - From Red's opening monologue on "The Red Skelton Show" (January 25, 1971) - Red talks about a visit to his eye doctor.
Red Skelton’s eye exam – From Red’s opening monologue on “The Red Skelton Show” (January 25, 1971) – Red talks about a visit to his eye doctor. This doctor starts examining my eyes, now you’ve got to hear some of the conversation that went on. I said, “The...
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Gertrude and Heathcliff jokes

Red Skelton's Gertrude and Heathcliff
Gertrude and Heathcliff  jokes by Red Skelton, about his seagull friends – flapping their wings, the ship of fools, and an elephant with a cold in the nose As  Red Skelton  used to say, there were these two seagulls named Gertrude and Heathcliff:
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Starfish

There once was an old man who liked to start his days by going for walks on a nearby beach. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed, and he found that the beach was littered with starfish as far as...
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