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Kentucky Mom’s letter to her son

Kentucky Mom’s letter to her son – A “letter from home” in the best clown tradition

Letter from a Kentucky Mother to her son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I’m alive.  I’m writing this letter slowly cause I know you can’t read very fast.  You won’t know the house when you come because we’ve moved.  I won’t be able to send you the address as the last Kentucky family that lived here took the numbers off for their next house to they won’t have to change their address.

About your father, he has a new job.  He has over 500 men under him.  He’s cutting the grass at the cemetery.

There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in, but it isn’t working too good.  Last week, I put 14 shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen them since.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning.  I haven’t found out if it’s a boy or girl, so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle.

Your uncle Dick drowned last week in the distillery.  Some of the workers dove in to save him but he fought them off bravely.  He had his body cremated and it took three days to put out the fire.  Your father didn’t have too much to drink this Christmas.  I put a bottle of caster oil in a pint of beer.  It kept him going until New Years Day.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father came with me.  The doc put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to open it for ten minutes.  Your father offered to buy it from him.

It only rained twice last week.  Three days the first time and four the next.  Monday was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.  We got a letter from the undertaker yesterday – he said that if the last statement isn’t paid on your grandmother’s funeral within seven days, up she come!

Love,

Mother

P.S.  I was going to send you ten dollars but I had already sealed the envelope.

 

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