Funny quotes about IRS – but is the joke on us?
Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
— F. J. Raymond
We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
— Dave Barry
The only two things that scare me are God and the IRS.
— Dr. Dre
The Internal Revenue Service is more ruthless than the Gestapo. Abolish the IRS! Stamp out organized crime!
— Evel Knievel
What am I afraid of? The IRS. That’s it. I don’t want those people knockin’ on my door, man.
— Tracy Morgan
“I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is — I could be just as proud for half the money.” — Arthur Godfrey, entertainer
“People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.”
“Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.” — Lord Bramwell, 19th Century English jurist
“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” — Arthur C. Clarke, author
A tax loophole is “something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.”
— Russell B. Long, U.S. Senator
“Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.”
— Laurence J. Peter, author
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.”
— Albert Einstein, physicist
“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.”
— Gerald Barzan, humorist
“Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.”
“Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.”
— Will Rogers, humorist
The trouble with the profession of tax collecting is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.
For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.
The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers, with the smallest possible amount of hissing.
— Jean-Baptiste Colbert
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
— Peg Bracken
The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.
— Russell Baker
I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
— Michael McShane
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
— Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
How can you tell when a tax auditor is trying to trap you into a confession? Answer: When his lips are moving.