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Funny Movie Quotes from The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze

Funny Movie Quotes from The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze

Funny movie quotes from one of my favorite Three Stooges feature films, ‘The Three Stooges Go Around the World in a Daze‘ – where Moe Howard, Larry Fine¬†and Curly Joe DeRita try to help Phinea Fogg’s grandson recreate the famous bet from Jules Verne’s ‘Around the World in 80 Days’


Lory Filch (Walter Burke): You’re a fine one, Vickers Cavendish. Wasting your time reading when you should be thinking up some scheme to defraud.


[Larry comes in with a waterlogged newspaper and hands it to Moe]
Larry (Larry Fine): They left it in the swimming pool today.
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, I see. The tadpole edition.
Larry (Larry Fine): Yeah, the tadpole edi…
[Moe hits Larry with the paper]
Moe (Moe Howard): That’s for now. Remind me to kill you later.


Larry (Larry Fine): I had the brains to steal this from the Duke’s palace next door.
[pulls fresh newspaper from coat]
Larry (Larry Fine): You thought I was stupid, didn’t ya?
Moe (Moe Howard): Now I’m sure of it.


Phileas Fogg III (Jay Sheffield): Moe, about how long would you say I’ve been having kippers for breakfast?
Moe (Moe Howard): Man and boy, I’d say we’ve been eating our kippers every day for, it must be 11 years, sir.
Phileas Fogg III (Jay Sheffield): Time for a change. Starting tomorrow, I’d like sausages.
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, those ugly little brown – SAUSAGES?


[Curly-Joe open the door just as Moe is coming through; there is a spectacular crash of breakfast dishes and cutlery]
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): I’m sorry, Moe. The door swung and all the dishes broke.
Moe (Moe Howard): Well, don’t distress yourself, lad. You didn’t break everything.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): I didn’t?
Moe (Moe Howard): [Holds up an intact plate] Here’s one you missed.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Hey!
[Moe breaks it over his head]


[the Three Stooges are trying to convince Phileas to take them with him]
Moe (Moe Howard): Who’s going to lay out your day togs for daywear?
Moe (Moe Howard): And your night togs for nightmares?


Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Remember, we’re born chiselers.


Larry (Larry Fine): Oh, boy! We’re going around the world on our wits!
Moe (Moe Howard): With your wits, you won’t get past the front door.


[Amelia is using the back of a frying pan as a mirror while Phileas plots their course]
Phileas Fogg III (Jay Sheffield): Now, owing to monsoons at this time of year, we may have trouble getting across this bridge. It could be completely under water.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Don’t worry, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Moe (Moe Howard): [chuckling] Pardon me, may I have the mirror?
Amelia Carter: Why, certainly.
Moe (Moe Howard): You know, a sharp crack deserves a sharp answer.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Yeah.
[Moe whaps Curly-Joe with pan]


[tootling on horn to entice a snake out of its jar]
Larry (Larry Fine): [frustrated] He don’t like my music.
Moe (Moe Howard): He’s not supposed to like it. He’s gotta hate it. Then he comes out, sees you, goes out of his mind, and while he’s out, I clobber him.


Moe (Moe Howard): We are official bodyguards. Also double as man Friday.
Larry (Larry Fine): And Saturday.


Moe (Moe Howard): His pistol record is
[mumbling]
Moe (Moe Howard): shots out of a possible 300.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): That’s without bullets.


Moe (Moe Howard): TheRajahh says that he will, without the aid of a telescope, shoot a raisin from the top of this gentleman’s head.
Larry (Larry Fine): Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. Shoot what raisin from which gentleman’s head?
Moe (Moe Howard): Oh, pardon me for calling you a gentleman, sir.


Moe (Moe Howard): TheRajahh says that at this time he will throw the razor-edged daggers at random.
Larry (Larry Fine): Random? Get him up here. Hey, Randy, come on.
Moe (Moe Howard): [glowering at Larry] Pardon me, Mister Random.


Larry (Larry Fine): You don’t think I’m going to let that blind bat throw knives at me, do you?
Moe (Moe Howard): Blind bat? Why, he can see better than you can and I can prove it.
Larry (Larry Fine): Well, you better prove it.
[picks up large round tray and holds it up to Curly-Joe’s eyes]
Moe (Moe Howard): Maha.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): [peers in opposite direction] Aha?
Moe (Moe Howard): Rajah!
[Curly-Joe turns around and stares closely at tray]
Moe (Moe Howard): What is this?
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Half a dollar.
Larry (Larry Fine): You’re right. I thought it was a dime.


[Curly-Joe’s thrown knife grazes Larry’s fake mustache]
Moe (Moe Howard): Missed that.
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): Missed that? Impossible!
Larry (Larry Fine): Missed that? What is he aiming at?
Moe (Moe Howard): You’ll find out.


[Guards are roughing up Curly-Joe]
Moe (Moe Howard): Wait a minute. You’re gonna hit a man with glasses?
Curly-Joe (Curly Joe DeRita): [gratefully, as guards pause] Yeah!
Moe (Moe Howard): [takes away glasses] Go ahead!


[Soldier shouts in Chinese as Phileas and co. sail away]
Chinese Non-Com: [Subtitle] CENSORED. AND DON’T COME BACK!


Moe (Moe Howard): If you keep on trying, you’ll always have a chance.
Larry (Larry Fine): Yeah, and we’ll starve to death in the meantime.


[Everyone is under arrest for stowing away in the back of a truck]
Moe (Moe Howard): Four days directly to New York. And here we are, thanks to you.
Larry (Larry Fine): You don’t have to thank me.


[after a prolonged fight in the dark where everyone keeps hitting the wrong people before finally knocking out the bad guys]
Moe (Moe Howard): I knew you’d get the right ones if you kept on swinging.


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