Princess Margaret (Virginia Mayo): I hear there are pirates in these waters.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): Yeah? Well, let them stay in the water, they’re dangerous on ships!
Sylvester (Bob Hope): I’ll chop off his liver! Say, that might be pretty good, chopped liver.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): If you don’t tell anybody I’m not a gypsy, I won’t tell anybody you’re not an idiot.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): My act is known all over Europe; that’s why I’m going to America.
Princess Margaret (Virginia Mayo): Why don’t you die like a man?
Sylvester (Bob Hope): [disguised in woman’s clothes] Because I’d rather live like a woman!
Don José Ramon Sebastian Rurales: [after Sylvester and tavern owner share a few short beers] Well done stranger, I like a man who can drink like that! And now, you are going to drink with me! Hugo, bring it over here! [waiter drops giant barrel of beer on the table]
Featherhead [Walter Brennan]: You can’t miss him. He looks just like me. He’s twice as smart as I am.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): Oh, a half-wit, huh?
Owner of the ‘Bucket of Blood’: You sound like a stranger. You haven’t lived very long in this town, huh?
Sylvester (Bob Hope): Does anybody?
Sylvester (Bob Hope): Look at them building that gallows out there. They’re not going to use that noose to rope a moose. That’s slumber lumber.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): Wait a minute. Why are you in such a sweat to get rid of it now?
Featherhead [Walter Brennan]: ‘Cause I’m smarter than you are, and I’m only an idiot.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): How do you like that? The king. Hi, your honor. How’s the queen and all the little Jacks? I’m a card, ha, ha!
Sylvester (Bob Hope): [During written description of blood-thirsty LaRoche, Sylvester pops up as bubble] That’s not me folks, I come on later, I play a coward.
Sylvester (Bob Hope): I work my brains out for nine reels, and some bit player from Paramount comes over and steals my girl. That’s the last picture I’ll ever make for Goldwyn!