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Funny movie quotes from The Gay Divorcee starring Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Edward Everett Horton, Eric Blore

Funny movie quotes from The Gay Divorcee

Funny movie quotes from The Gay Divorcee, the first movie starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers – with lots of the rapid-fire verbal humor that their movies became famous for — for instance:

Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): Oh, here you are Hortense. I’ve just had the most embarrassing experience. A man tore my dress off!
Aunt Hortense: My goodness! Anyone we know?

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): I wonder if she resented me tearing her skirt?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Well, I wouldn’t at all be surprised. That’s the usual reaction. What did you do that for?
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): She couldn’t move.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Sounds very unsporting of you, Guy, really!
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Well, you don’t understand… uh… it was an accident.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): It usually is.

Aunt Hortense: [to Mimi] I do adore Paris. It’s so much like chicago… It’s such a relief when you travel to feel that you’ve never left home at all.

Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Guy, you’re not pining for that girl!
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Pining? Men don’t pine. Girls pine. Men just… suffer.

Aunt Hortense: You know, you’re beginning to fascinate me, and I resent that in any man.

Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): You?
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): [looking around] Yes. It’s me.

Aunt Hortense: [Going with Mimi to check into the hotel] Oh, Egbert, are you coming with us?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): What? Hortense, oh my. You can’t remain with her. This is supposed to be a clandestine affair. You can’t have a clandestine affair between three people!
Aunt Hortense: [laughing] Oh, that’s what you say!

Waiter (Eric Blore): Pardon, you, you uh rang sir?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Who me? Well, my dear fellow, what is there here to ring with?
Waiter (Eric Blore): Pardon sir, that’s just a figure of speech.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Oh, oh. Uhuh. Well, bring me a… let me have a… eh, there there. You see? Your figure of speech has made me forget entirely what I wanted.
Waiter (Eric Blore): Could it have been that you require crumpets?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): No no no, I never ring for crumpets.
Waiter (Eric Blore): Would you be the kind of man who would ring for a toasted scone, sir?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Scone? Well, now uh, no. no. Try me again.
Waiter (Eric Blore): Well, then could you, could you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Oh what an acid thought. Please.
Waiter (Eric Blore): No crumpets. No scones. No gooseberry tart. Well that lands both of us in a cul-de-sac doesn’t it, sir?
Egbert Fitzgerald: Of course it does. I knew it would.
Waiter (Eric Blore): You know I hate to leave you like this. You torn with doubts and me with my duty undischarged.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Oh well cheer up old man, cheer up. It will come to me.
Waiter (Eric Blore): Was it animal or vegetable sir?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): No.
Waiter (Eric Blore): Well that leaves us mineral doesn’t it sir. Now sir, was it a bit of half and half, a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter, a stoop of stout, or a beaker of beer?
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Tea.
Waiter (Eric Blore): Tea. Ha. Well isn’t it a small world sir.

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): I was chasing you, you shouldn’t run away like that.
Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): Why not?
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): It’s bad for my health.

Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): Would you mind moving your car? Or don’t you want it anymore?

Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Your life, Mr. Tonetti, must be full of excitement.
Tonetti: Full of excitement, and full of danger.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Oh, yes, of course… from the husbands.
Tonetti: No, from the ladies.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Oh, how interesting!
Tonetti: But, Tonetti, he know what to do. Yes, sometimes, the lady and I have the conversation… sometimes, I play the concertina… sometimes, I play the solitaire… but, mostly, I practice my singing. At home, my wife, he do not like me to sing.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Unquestionably a woman of great perspicacity.
Tonetti: Oh, si, si, signor, you bet!

Tonetti: Rodolfo Tonetti at your service.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Yes… well, I am Mr. Fitzgerald.
Tonetti: Mr. Fitzgerald?
[shaking hands]
Tonetti: Oh, I’m delightful!
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Oh, I shouldn’t doubt it, old man, I shouldn’t doubt it. But, don’t you think that a correspondent ought to come to work quieter? Let’s have more repose and less Rigoletto.
Tonetti: Ha, I am ready for action, and I will do a first-class job.
Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): Well, don’t be too determined about it. Remember, the lady in question is very sensitive, and you must treat her accordingly.
Tonetti: Bene, whichever way the wind she is blowing, that is the way I sail.

Egbert Fitzgerald (Edward Everett Horton): And now, Tonetti, remember: I want delicacy, tact, assurance, finesse.
Tonetti: I’ve brought everything.

Tonetti: [unable to remember his passphrase “Chance is a fool’s name for fate,” Tonettie repeatedly muffs it] Chance is the foolish name for fate. / Give me a name for chance and I am a fool. / Fate is a foolish thing to take chances with. / I am a fate to take foolish chances with. / Chances are that fate is foolish. / Fate is the foolish thing. Take a chance.

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Chance is the fool’s name for fate.

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): [after crashing into Mimi’s car] Hello, hello! I’ve been looking for you!

Aunt Hortense: Be feminine and sweet. If you can blend the two.

Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): Please don’t ask me to stay.
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Alright, I won’t. Don’t go!

Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): I don’t care what you did as a boy.
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Well, I did nothing as a girl, so there goes my childhood.

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): You think I’m going to leave you alone with a strange Italian? He might be a tenor!

Tonetti: Your wife is safe with Tonetti, He prefers spaghetti

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): [singing and skipping in a circle] The husband is coming! Hooray! Hooray!

Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): I hope you like what I ordered. I’ve never had breakfast with two men before.
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): I’ve tried it. It’s no fun.

Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Can I offer you anything? Frosted chocolate? Cointreau? Benedictine? Marriage?
Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): What was that last one?
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Benedictine?
Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): No, the one after that.
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): Oh, marriage?
Mimi Glossop (Ginger Rogers): Do you always propose marriage as casually as that?
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): There is nothing casual about it. In fact, I’ve given it long and sincere thought.

Waiter (Eric Blore): I have an unnatural passion for rocks.
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Waiter (Eric Blore): That’s what they call an igneous intrusion.
Guy Holden (Fred Astaire): You’re somewhat of an igneous intrusion yourself.

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