Funny movie quotes from The Bank Dick starring W. C. Fields

Funny movie quotes from The Bank Dick

Funny movie quotes from The Bank Dick starring W. C. Fields

Egbert Sousé (W. C. Fields): Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty dollar bill?
Joe Guelpe (Shemp Howard): Yeah.
Egbert Sousé (W. C. Fields): Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind! I thought I’d lost it.

Egbert Sousé: My uncle, a balloon ascensionist, Effingham Hoofnagle, took a chance. He was three miles and a half up in the air. He jumped out of the basket of the balloon and took a chance of alighting on a load of hay.
Og Oggilby: Golly! Did he make it?
Egbert Sousé: Uh… no. He didn’t. Had he been a younger man, he probably would have made it. That’s the point. Don’t wait too long in life.

Egbert Sousé: Lompoc is noted for it’s beautiful girls. I imagine you’ve noticed them.
J. Pinkerton Snoopington: Yes. Yes I have. I’m a married man with a grown daughter – eighteen years of age.
Egbert Sousé: Oh, I’d like to meet her. I’m very fond of children. Girl children, around eighteen and twenty.

Egbert Sousé: Ten cents a share. Telephone sold for five cents a share. How would you like something better for ten cents a share? If five gets ya ten, ten’ll get ya twenty. A beautiful home in the country, upstairs and down. Beer flowing through the estate over your grandmother’s paisley shawl.
Og Oggilby: Beer?
Egbert Sousé: Beer! Fishing in the stream that runs under the arboreal dell. A man comes up from the bar, dumps $3,500 in your lap for every nickel invested. Says to you, “Sign here on the dotted line.” And then disappears in the waving fields of alfalfa.

Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch: [about Souse] He makes me sick!
Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Sousé: Shall I bounce a rock off his head?
Agatha Sousé: Respect your father, darling. What kind of a rock?

Og Oggilby: Oh… I knew this would happen! I was a perfect idiot to ever listen to you!
Egbert Sousé: You listen to me, Og! There’s nothing in this world that is perfect.

Egbert Sousé: Don’t be a luddy-duddy! Don’t be a mooncalf! Don’t be a jabbernowl! You’re not those, are you?

Boy in bank: Mommy, doesn’t that man have a funny nose?
Mother in bank: You mustn’t make fun of the gentleman, Clifford. You’d like to have a nose like that full of nickels, wouldn’t you?

Myrtle Sousé: I’ll starve myself to death, it’s the easiest way out. It’s not so difficult to do. I tried it yesterday afternoon.

J. Frothingham Waterbury: Gosh!… Oh, pardon my language.
Egbert Sousé: That’s okay. I swear sometimes myself.

Myrtle Sousé: I’ll bet that’s Og!
Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch: Mmm, he’s got her bettin’ now. She never gambled ‘fore she met him.

Elsie Mae Adele Brunch Sousé: What’s the matter, Pop? Don’t you love me?
Egbert Sousé: [raising his hand in anger] Certainly I love you!
Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Egbert Sousé: She’s not gonna tell ME I don’t love her.

Egbert Sousé: The jockey was a very insulting fellow. He referred to my proboscis as an adscititious excrescence. I had to tweak his nose.

J. Pinkerton Snoopington: Can’t we, eh, pull the shade?
Egbert Sousé: You can pull anything you want in here. It’s a regular joint.

Egbert Sousé: [during the car chase] The resale value of this car is going to be nil after this trip.

Egbert Sousé: [to bank robber, after narrowly missing the police during a car chase] Seems to be a great deal of traffic here for a country road. Don’t you think?

Egbert Sousé: Og Oggilby… sounds like a bubble in a bathtub!

Myrtle Sousé: [doing a crossword puzzle] What’s a six-letter word meaning “embezzlement”?
Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch: Prison.

Egbert Sousé: Is that gun loaded?
Mother in bank: Certainly not! But I think you are!

Egbert Sousé: Did you warble my little wren?

Egbert Sousé: There was an article in there telling how I apprehended a couple of crooks. Who stole two million dollars – from Skinner’s Lompoc Bank.
Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch: You would! Skinner’s Lompoc Bank. Thems the shylocks that’s got the mortgage on this house, ain’t they? Haunting you from morning to night – the old pinch pennies! I’m sorry they didn’t get away with the bag. Leave it to him. He would do a thing like that.

Mr. Skinner: I’ve been in consultation with our Director and we’ve decided that what has been needed in this bank for a long time is a special officer. Or, to refer to the article of the underworld, a bank dick. In lieu of your heroism, your valiant, dauntless courage, I have the honor to offer you this position. The remuneration at first will be very small – we’re a growing concern. We’re young. But, there are a great many chances for advancement. Who knows? Within a short time, you may become my Vice President. My first and only vice.
Egbert Sousé: Very good. What time in the morning?
Mr. Skinner: The bank opens at ten o’clock.
Egbert Sousé: Oh, well, that’s all right. If I’m not here on time, just go right ahead without me. I’ll catch up with ya.

Egbert Sousé: Ah, the Black Pussy Cafe and Snackbar… How would you like to go in and have a little spot?
J. Pinkerton Snoopington: No, I never drink during the business hours. Thank you.
Egbert Sousé: Just a little spot and we’ll find out how Gumlake came out at Delmar today.
J. Pinkerton Snoopington: This-a, this place isn’t crowded, is it?
Egbert Sousé: No, if it wasn’t for me the place would starve to death.
J. Pinkerton Snoopington: Well, I’ll dawdled for about ten minutes.
Egbert Sousé: Okay, we’ll dawdle together.

Egbert Sousé: This town has an altitude of 500 feet. Population is 4,500. Schools. Churches. Public Library. Three blocks of paved streets. Two trains a day – not counting the milk train that goes through at four o’clock in the morning. We have three drug stores – one actually sells medicine.
J. Pinkerton Snoopington: Stop. I’m dying. Could you direct me to a culvert.
Egbert Sousé: Why don’t you wait to get up to the hotel. Its only six blocks. We pass the Spanish-Americo Chili Parlor on the way up.

Lompoc Ladies Auxiliary: I shall make it my business to see that the Lompoc Ladies Auxiliary will be involved. I thought this was a family hotel?
Hotel Desk Clerk: Oh, yes. Yes, indeed, it is. Mr. Snoopington has a touch of ptomaine.
Lompoc Ladies Auxiliary: Hmm. It didn’t smell like ptomaine.

Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How’s business?
Doctor Stall: Oh, fair, fair. I don’t suppose we’ll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.

J. Frothingham Waterbury: I want to prove to you that I’m honest, in the worst way.

Joe Guelpe: [to Souse] Say, you better come in and have a little poultice on the house.

Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch: Imagine a man who takes money out of a child’s piggybank – puts in I.O.U.s!

Egbert Sousé: I have a half interest in a cod liver oil mine down in Cape Cod. Snowed all winter. We did a lot of boondoggling. Did you ever boondoggle, Joe?

Egbert Sousé: Boy, you’re headin’ right down my alley. In the old Sennett days, I used to direct Fatty Arbuckle, Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and the rest of ’em. Can’t get the celluloid outta my blood. At nights I used to tend bar.

Egbert Sousé: We’re making motion picture history here.

Egbert Sousé: [Demonstrating cigarette tricks] I’ll teach you when you grow up. I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

Egbert Sousé: I don’t hang around that Black Pussy Cafe for nothin’.

Egbert Sousé: I have a young daughter, marriageable age; also a small daughter; a nice wife and a mother-in-law that loves me like her own son.

Egbert Sousé: Hello, Snoopy, old boy! How do you feel?
J. Pinkerton Snoopington: Oh, I feel as though I’ve been poisoned.

Egbert Sousé: Now, leave everything to me. I’ll do the worry. Be happy! Gay! I’ll have the management send you up a radio. Come on, Doc, we better be going. Toodle-oo.

Mr. Skinner: We are grateful to you for retrieving the bank’s funds.
Egbert Sousé: Oh, well, that was in the line of duty.
Mr. Skinner: And we feel we’ve shown our gratitude by giving you a position as bank’s officer. But, when you caution Mrs. Muttle’s little son, about carrying a toy pistol into the bank, that’s going too far. I can not impress upon you to firmly, the Skinner Bank is a dignified institution.
Egbert Sousé: Yeah, that’s the way I always figured it, yes. I guess you figured it the same way, working here the same as I do.
Mr. Skinner: Furthermore, I’ve been informed that you are a frequenter of a cafe known as the Black Pussy.

Egbert Sousé: Would you like to examine the books at the Black Pussy – eh – Cafe?

Tags:
Previous Post
Funny movie quotes from Horses Collars, starring the Three Stooges
Funny movie quotes

Funny movie quotes from Horses Collars

Next Post
Abbott and Costello meet a ferocious skunk
Clown jokes

Abbott and Costello meet a ferocious skunk

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.