Home » Funny movie quotes » Funny movie quotes from Texas Carnival

Funny movie quotes from Texas Carnival

Funny movie quotes from Texas Carnival (1951) starring Red Skelton, Esther Williams, Howard Keel, Ann Miller, Keenan Wynn

Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Now how can you talk to me like that after all I’ve done for you?
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Name one thing, I dare you.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): [thinking] Look, I arranged for you to swim the Mississippi from St. Louis to Memphis, didn’t I?
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Where did that get me?
together: Memphis.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Look, I’ve made a sacrifice too! I gave up Kegwell’s Educated Canines to manage you!
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): What do you mean, “gave up”? The leading lady bit you!

Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): He can’t drive a crooked nail.
Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): Can’t drive a crooked nail.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Give him a straight one.
Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): No thank you, sir, I’ve had plenty.

Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): We’re brothers, you understand, blood brothers.  Not sisters! I already got a sister.

Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Believe me when I tell you he loves me like a brother.
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): He’d better!

Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Give me those keys.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Well, number one, I don’t have the keys, and if I did have ’em they wouldn’t fit.
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Why don’t they fit?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): The ignition got busted.
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): How did they ignition get busted?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): When the dashboard caved in.
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Dashboard caved in?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): When the radiator telescoped.
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Telescoped?!
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Right after I hit a bunch of stupid cows.

Tex Hodgkins (Glenn Strange): [proposing a double-or-nothing wager for the $17,000 Red owes] Would you like to shake?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): No, but I can’t seem to stop!

Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): How about a toast?
Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): I don’t drink.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): [pouring drinks] To the glorious state of Texas.
Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): [drinks]
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): How about a little toast to America?
Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): I don’t drink, son.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): And the forty-seven states that surround Texas.
Dan Sabinas (Keenan Wynn): [drinks]

Bartender: Hey, that’s Texas dew, what’s the matter, don’t you like it?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): [holding his nose as he prepares to drink] I love it!
Bartender: Then what’re you holding your nose for?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): When I smell it, it makes my mouth water, and I don’t like it diluted!

Bartender: It looks like you’ve had one too many.
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Oh no I haven’t!
Bartender: What do you mean?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Don’t push me, boy.
Bartender: What do you mean, don’t push you?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): Don’t push me; maybe you don’t know who I am!
Bartender: Who are you?
Cornie Quinell (Red Skelton): I’€™m the guy you’re pushing!

Sheriff: Dan Sabinas is one of the finest gentlemen in Texas; that’s him on the floor.

Slim Shelby (Howard Keel): Coffee!
Debbie Telford (Esther Williams): Is it good and strong?
Slim Shelby (Howard Keel): It’ll kill a rattlesnake.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: