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Funny movie quotes from Road to Utopia

Funny movie quotes from Road to Utopia starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour

[Chester has the hiccups]
Duke (Bing Crosby): Can’t you suppress it somehow?
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Frighten me.
Duke (Bing Crosby): I can’t, I haven’t got a mirror.


Duke (Bing Crosby): Experience is the best teacher.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Oh, experience is the best teacher, huh?
Duke (Bing Crosby): Naturally, and I’m a Ph.D.


Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): I’ll have a lemonade.
[sees looks of surprise, snarls]
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): In a dirty glass.


Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Am I dead?
Duke (Bing Crosby): I can’t tell, you always look that way.


Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Yeah? Well, I ain’t afraid to die. I just hate being killed, that’s all.


Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): As far as I’m concerned, this picture’s over right now.


[Duke loses a talent show to a trained monkey]
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): [to Duke] Next time I bring Sinatra.


Sal Van Hoyden (Dorothy Lamour): [singing] You wouldn’t dare be too bold, would you? And think that my hand was to hold, would you? And you wouldn’t play on my sympathy, then take advantage of me … would you? You shouldn’t be quite so near, should you? Or whisper those words in my ear, should you? You can’t get romantic; that, you know, takes two. But darling, if I would … would you?


Duke (Bing Crosby): Chester, you’d better face it – the cards say “Alaska!”
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): No wonder – it’s a cold deck!


Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): If those hoodlums ever get off that boat, we’ll be smiling ear to ear … with our throats!


Sal Van Hoyden (Dorothy Lamour): Don’t be facetious!
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): [confused] Oh, keep politics out of this!


Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): [Hope is driving Crosby along on a dog sled, and he raises his arms] Look Ma, no hands.
Duke (Bing Crosby): Look Ma, no teeth.
Chester Hooton (Bob Hope): Please, my sponsor. [his radio sponsor was Pepsodent Toothpaste]

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