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Funny movie quotes from Avengers: Infinity War

Funny movie quotes from Avengers: Infinity War – a dark movie, that counterbalances with a lot of verbal humor – enjoy!

[Wong saves Stark]

Tony Stark: Wong, you’re invited to my wedding.


Rocket Raccoon: You speak Groot?

Thor: Yes, they taught it on Asgard. It was an elective.


Bruce Banner: Who’s Scott?

Steve Rogers: Ant-Man.

Bruce Banner: There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?


Eitri: You understand, boy, you’re about to take the full force of a star. It’ll kill you.

Thor: Only if I die.

Eitri: Yes. That’s what… killing you means.


Rocket Raccoon: This is Thanos we’re talking about. He’s the toughest there is

Thor: Well, he’s never fought me.

Rocket Raccoon: Yeah, he has.

Thor: He’s never fought me twice.


Thor: There are six stones out there. Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it last week when he decimated Xandar. He stole the Space Stone from me when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones are safe on Earth, they’re with the Avengers.

Peter Quill: The Avengers?

Thor: The Earth’s mightiest heroes.

Mantis: Like Kevin Bacon?

Thor: He may be on the team. I don’t know, I haven’t been there in a while.


Dr. Stephen Strange: Ok, let me ask you this one time: What master do you serve?

Peter Quill: Oh, what master do I serve? What am I supposed to say, Jesus?


Tony Stark: [Bruce is struggling to Hulk out] Dude, you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.


[the Guardians bring Thor aboard]
Peter Quill: How the hell is this dude still alive?

Drax: He is not a dude. You’re a dude. This… this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.

Peter Quill: I’m muscular.

Rocket Raccoon: Who are you kidding, Quill? You’re one sandwich away from fat.

Peter Quill: Yeah, right.

Drax: It’s true. You have put on weight.

Peter Quill: What?

[Drax gestures at his chin and gut]

Peter Quill: Gamora, do you think I’m…

Mantis: [sensing Thor] He is anxious, angry, he feels tremendous loss and guilt.

Drax: It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.

Peter Quill: Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay, I’m gonna get a Bowflex. I’m gonna commit. I’m gonna get some dumbbells.

Rocket Raccoon: You know you can’t eat dumbbells, right?

Gamora: [touching Thor’s arms] It’s like his muscles are made of Chitauri metal fibers.

Peter Quill: Stop massaging his muscles.


Okoye: When you said you were going to open Wakanda to the rest of the world, this is not what I imagined.

T’Challa: What did you imagine?

Okoye: The Olympics, maybe even a Starbucks.


Peter Parker: Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I’m sorry.

Tony Stark: I don’t want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?


Bus Driver [Stan Lee]: What’s the matter with you kids? You’ve never seen a spaceship before?


Dr. Stephen Strange: We gotta turn this ship around.

Tony Stark: Yeah, now he wants to run. Great plan.

Dr. Stephen Strange: No, I want to protect the stone.

Tony Stark: And I want you to thank me. Now, go ahead. I’m listening.

Dr. Stephen Strange: For what? Nearly blasting me into space?

Tony Stark: Who just saved your magical ass? Me.

Dr. Stephen Strange: I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet.

Tony Stark: Admit it, you should’ve ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.

Dr. Stephen Strange: Unlike everyone else in your life, I don’t work for you.

Tony Stark: And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying doughnut billions of miles from Earth with no backup.

Peter Parker: I’m backup.

Tony Stark: No, you’re a stowaway. The adults are talking.

Dr. Stephen Strange: I’m sorry, I’m confused as to the relationship here. What is he, your ward?

Peter Parker: No. I’m Peter, by the way.

Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor Strange.

Peter Parker: Oh, you’re using made-up names. Um… I’m Spider-Man, then.


Tony Stark: You throw another moon at me and I’m gonna lose it!


Tony Stark: If Thanos needs all six, why don’t we just stick this one down a garbage disposal?

Dr. Stephen Strange: No can do.

Wong: We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives.

Tony Stark: And I swore off dairy… but then Ben & Jerry’s named a flavor after me, so…

Dr. Stephen Strange: Stark Raving Hazelnuts.

Tony Stark: Not bad.

Dr. Stephen Strange: A bit chalky.

Wong: A Hunk of Hulk of Burning Fudge is our favorite.


Dr. Stephen Strange: Seriously? You don’t have any money?

Wong: Attachment to the material is detachment from the spiritual.

Dr. Stephen Strange: I’ll tell the guys at the deli. Maybe they’ll make you a metaphysical ham and rye.

Wong: Wait, wait, wait. I think I have two hundred.

Dr. Stephen Strange: Dollars?

Wong: Rupees.

Dr. Stephen Strange: Which is?

Wong: A… buck and a half.

Dr. Stephen Strange: [sighs] What do you want?

Wong: I wouldn’t say no to a tuna melt.


Rocket Raccoon: Nidavellir is real? Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful and horrific weapons to ever torment the universe. I would very much like to go there, please.

Thor: The rabbit is correct and clearly the smartest among you.

Rocket Raccoon: Rabbit?


Ebony Maw: Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.

Tony Stark: Yeah, but the kid’s seen more movies.

[Iron Man blows a hole in the ship, Ebony Maw is sucked out into space as in the climax of Aliens]


Peter Parker: You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighborhood. [pause] Okay, that didn’t really make sense, but you know what I’m trying to say.


Mantis: We are arriving.

Peter Quill: All right, Guardians, don’t forget this might be dangerous, so let’s put on our mean faces.


Tony Stark: We haven’t caught up, have we?

Bruce Banner: No.

Tony Stark: The Avengers broke up. We’re toast.

Bruce Banner: Broke up? Like a band? Like the Beatles?


Drax: [wrestling the Cloak of Levitation] Die, blanket of death!


Steve Rogers: [to Thor] New haircut?

Thor: Looks like you’ve copied my beard. By the way, this is a friend of mine, the tree.

Groot: I am Groot!

Steve Rogers: I am Steve Rogers.


Peter Quill: [Pointing guns at Stark and Parker] Everybody stay where you are, chill the F out. I’m gonna ask you this one time: where is Gamora?

Tony Stark: Yeah, I’ll do you one better. Who’s Gamora?

Drax: I’ll do you one better. Why is Gamora?


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