How to survive Thanksgiving at Liberal relatives – a few suggestions … ARRIVAL ‘Your home looks lovely. Almost like it’s worth what you paid for it. Obama didn’t help with that yet, did he? Oh, well, maybe next term. May I use your bathroom?’ In the unlikely event that your host’s home has appreciated in […]
You Know You Overdid Thanksgiving When – A list of signs that you may have eaten a *little* too much at Thanksgiving Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy. The ‘Gravy Boat’ your wife set out was a real 12’ boat.
Everybody has trouble cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time — even so, this is ridiculous … The clown was spending his first Thanksgiving dinner apart from his family. Trying to make the most of the holiday, he prepared a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for himself. By himself. Alone. The next day, his mother called to […]
A poem, with apologies to Clement Moore’s ‘The Night Before Thanksgiving’, about Thanksgiving evening … ‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn’t sleep. I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep The leftovers beckoned — The dark meat and white, But I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes Funny Thanksgiving quotes from a variety of sources … my favorite is Erma Bombeck’s observation on how long it takes to prepare Thanksgiving dinner versus how long it takes to eat it … and why! Irv Kupcinet An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. H. W. […]
Thanksgiving Weather Forecast – A weather forecast with 100% accuracy – for the fourth Thursday in November, aka Thanksgiving In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will […]
Things not to do at Thanksgiving – Frankly, this sounds like a list of things that my younger brother would do — please don’t! Fill your plate up, and then take it to the kitchen, toss all of the food into the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight […]